


Well, Shit.

by violaswimmer



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Multi, Other, well shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-01
Updated: 2017-02-28
Packaged: 2018-09-27 14:29:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 33,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10025633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violaswimmer/pseuds/violaswimmer
Summary: Lance and the Voltron Team go on a mission that goes horribly wrong. Lance is left behind to be interrogated by the mysterious Galra Prince Lotor. The team must rush to get him back at all costs.





	1. Well, Great.

**Author's Note:**

> You remember when I said I can’t write fanficiton for shit? Well here we go! My best attempt! This series started on tumblr and is a total of 10 chapters! Enjoy!

Lance awoke to the same face he had been seeing for a while now. That’s the thing about space, it’s hard to tell the time. But this Prince Lotor guy was making it even harder since he didn’t let Lance sleep more than an hour at a time, well he hoped it was an hour.

Team Voltron had been floating across the galaxy and found a distress beacon from a nearby planet. When they landed Allura asked the people what was wrong since they seemed pretty peachy for apparently being under distress. They lead the Voltron team to these large trees, like huge, way bigger than Earth’s trees. They entered a kind of makeshift elevator and when they reached the top they saw the problem.

A huge Galra ship hanging in the sky above them. No movement, nothing firing, just sitting there in the atmosphere above the planet. Obviously the people had panicked, sounded the distress beacon but the ship hadn’t done anything for a full week. The ship was making the people nervous so they left the beacon on hoping someone would come help them.

It was weird. Really weird. So of course they had to check it out. Team Voltron. Wooh. Anyway so eventually they went back to the castle. Allura and Coran did every scan they thought of and well they found no signs of life. Also weird. But they couldn’t destroy the ship, not from the castle. The shields were still up and they had to be disabled. So someone, namely Pidge had to get on the ship, disable the shield and get out so the castle could blast it out of the sky. Simple.

First of all Lance was the only one to think that maybe this wasn’t a great idea. Everyone else was convinced the scans worked, that no one was on the ship. Of course they went in still on alert but you know, things never go well for the paladin in blue. So Pidge was escorted by Lance and Keith while Hunk and Shiro waited with the castle just in case.

They entered the ship no problem. Not a big deal. Even got to the control panel without a hitch. But as soon as Pidge so much as touched the console things went to shit, real quick. When Pidge touched the console it set off some sort of alarm, out of nowhere Lance heard guards gathering outside the control room door. He and Keith readied their bayards then the comms went nuts. Shiro, Hunk and the castle had been surrounded by a Galra fleet. There was no escape. It had been a trap.

So Lance made a decision and a dangerous one. Without thinking he grabbed Keith and Pidge by the back of their uniforms and threw them over the edge of the control board, down a long drop where a vent lead to the outside of the ship. Pidge made a surprise squeak with Keith yelling Lance’s name. Lance turned and began to fire on the Galra soldiers. He knew what he had to do.

“I’m gonna blow the ship. Get as far away as you can, wormhole out if you have to!” He shouted over the comms.

There was muffled sounds of protest from Shiro and Hunk before the comms went dead completely. Great now they couldn’t communicate. The guards were piling through the door like mice escaping a hole. He had to hope that by now Pidge and Keith had made it far enough away, he couldn’t hold them any longer. So he turned his back, taking what cover he could from the tons of fire. He aimed at the crystal in front of him. He needed to break it. So he looked where he could fire. Where the crystal attached, he’s sure he can hit it. He aims, a shot from one of the guards hits him in the shoulder. Doesn’t matter. He breathes and fires. The shot hit sure and true and the crystal began to crack, sparks coming from it. Lance jumped into the cavern, going down the shaft to the vent. The crystal explodes.

* * *

Lance can’t hear anything, the explosion must have blown an ear drum. His back feels hot, spinning out of control into open air, jet pack not functioning. Great. Blue isn’t near enough to get to him. He had no idea how the castle was if everyone was okay. But the g-forces were causing his head to spin and he began to lose consciousness. His last thought was, _I hope everyone gets out okay_. Lance’s vision goes black as he continues to tumble towards the planet’s surface.

* * *

Everyone sees it, they hear it too. Keith and Pidge managed to get back to the castle in one piece right before the whole ship goes up. The explosion would have been spectacular if it wasn’t so frightening. Hunk and Shiro stopped fight just of a moment in sheer horror as the whole ship explodes. Lance was on that ship.

But the explosion works. The fleet takes damage, the explosion bigger than usual since they were fighting in the atmosphere rather than space. It takes out several ships. They have a chance to escape.

But everyone is frozen. Until they see it. A tiny figure tail spinning out of control in a blue and white suit.

“Lance!” Shiro shouts, trying to get to him before he hits the surface. But enemies were replacing the destroyed ones and he couldn’t get there in time.

Suddenly the ship that had hung back for the entire battle did something none of them expected. It sent out a beam of purple light and shined it on Lance’s out of control form. Lance’s body went limp, still and then slowly began to drag him toward the Galra ship.

Keith yelled, “They’re taking him!”

“We have to get him!” Pidge insisted. She hated the way he was limp, was he unconscious or worse?

They rushed to go get their lions. But Allura’s voice stopped them.

“YOU CANNOT!” She shouted.

Everyone paused even Shiro and Hunk who were still fighting outside the castle but they heard it over the comms. They had never heard Allura scream like that.

“We must wormhole out, we cannot win this fight.” She said this time barely a whisper.

There was a stunned silence before Keith of all people shouted.

“That’s LANCE out there! He just risked his life to give us a chance! We can’t abandon him!” Keith said, outraged.

Allura took in a breath.

“That is exactly why we need to go. Now. Lance bought us time. We can’t waste it.” She turned to them, tears in her eyes. Keith’s rage quickly melted.

“We will come back for him. We will find him and bring him home. However we need to be alive to do that. I’m certain we would not survive an assault on that ship. We must leave. Now.” Allura said tears streaking down her cheeks.

She wiped them the best she could and went to the comms telling Hunk and Shiro to come back. They were going to wormhole out. Reluctantly they came back, looking pale and worried. The ship made the wormhole, leaving the Galra and Lance behind.

* * *

Lance’s head felt heavy. His back felt worse, dry and stinging. He was being suspended against a wall. Arms, legs and torso bound by heavy thick clamps on the walls. Everything hurt. He slowly raised his head, moving it seemed to make it worse but he needed to see where he was. He knew he wasn’t in the castle but where exactly was he?

He blinked his eyes. Realizing quickly that one was having trouble seeing, which is a great thing to add to his ever growing list of problems. The room was dark with metal floors, walls and ceiling. Purple lights lined the walls in a linear pattern. He recognized that purple anywhere. He was on a Galra ship. Great.

He spent time looking over his injuries. He took a shot to the shoulder, he remembered that. But the rest must have been from the explosion or the free fall. His back was burnt, realizing the sensation. His left eye couldn’t see very well, vision was dark and tinted red. He could feel a cut over his eyebrow pulsing and swollen. His jaw felt fat and burned. The clamps were holding him to the wall a bit too tight and it seemed hard to draw a good breath. What a mess.

Soon the door flew open, showering the room in purple light. A tall man stepped in, long white hair and purple skin. Yellow almost glowing eyes looked at Lance with an interest that made his skin crawl. He was wearing armor, fancy armor. This guy was definitely in charge. Lance smirked, confidence couldn’t fail him now.

“Who are you? Zarkon’s replacement?” Lance asked, smug

The man took a moment and smiled.

“Yes, something like that.” He confirmed.

Lance was a little stunned, he honestly hadn’t expected him to answer.

“What, really?!” Lance asked, shocked.

The man smiled.

“My name is Prince Lotor, I am Zarkon’s son.” He took a step forward, examining Lance a little closer.

Once satisfied with being a creep he backed off.

”I must inform you that your fellow paladins have abandoned you.” Lotor said.

Lance breathed a small breath of relief. So they did get out. Good. _That’s good_ , Lance thought although he couldn’t help the lump forming in his throat.

“Oh don’t worry, they’ll be back.” Lance said confidently.

Well he hoped anyway. Lotor paused and smile kept on his face.

“If that’s the case, how about we get started?”

Lance swallowed the lump was getting bigger. Two guards from the hallway came through the door.

“Bring it big ears.” Lance smirked.

Lotor’s face didn’t change, not even a twitch of anger. Now that Lance could see him up close, for a Galra he was pretty handsome. Nice hair. Although he seemed not all Galra. Lance wasn’t sure how he knew that but something about him read a little more of something else.

Lotor took a step closer, the guards following him closely as a flood of more people came into the room. Druids, that’s what their called. Cloaked with masks but the creepy witch lady wasn’t there which was a relief. But they shuffled in with metal floating boxes and began to take out what Lance had to guess was torture devices which wasn’t so great.

Lotor began to talk.

“You are the blue paladin of Voltron, riding the blue lion which also is a leg of Voltron. You were injured due to the explosion on the false ship over the planet of Neva. You escaped through a vent but the explosion was rather close to you. You were sent into the atmosphere were the gravity forced you unconscious. Our ship rescued you before you hit the planet. Once on board we treated some of your wounds so you did not die. But we left the majority that were not life threatening. Once you were brought aboard our ship the rest of the paladins used the explosion to escape us via wormhole.” Lotor smiled.

“This is the information we know. You see Zarkon was not one to share information with others. He unfortunately did not leave me any information about Voltron or its paladins. So I must gather the information myself.” He paused as a druid handed him something small and metallic.

The lump in Lance’s throat was growing bigger. He wanted to go home. He was scared. Terrified. But somewhere in the back of his mind which was flooded with terror rose something else. He remembered he protected the team. They were fine and were going to live for another day. Something in Lance clicked in place like a gear in his body was replaced with something stronger.

_It didn’t matter. What happened to him didn’t matter._ He must do everything he can to keep everyone safe. His emotions became steel and the breath that had been coming too quickly slowed. The fear was still there but that was natural the rest was made of unmoving steel.

Lance looked at Lotor his eyes narrowing and smirk plastered all over his face. He was not afraid.

“Why don’t you just get started then? Quit the chatter.” Lance snarled.

Lotor paused and blinked momentarily surprised. But then his smile grew across his face.

“Oh. I will have fun breaking you.”

So quick. Lance didn’t even register as Lotor took the small metal object and shoved it through Lance’s hand. Lance screamed.


	2. Well, What the Hell.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance is left behind on the Galra ship with Prince Lotor as his personal torturer. Lance isn’t holding up well and the rest of the team have to act fast if they want to save him in time.

It had been a long time. Or it felt like a long time. But the steel that had covered Lance’s emotions was still there even though he was sure that his body could take no more.

Prince Lotor visited Lance often. He shoved tiny metallic needles into every place he could think of. The needles had long thin tubes attached to them. They could send electricity or drugs through them into Lance. Both were extremely painful but between the two, Lance would take electricity any day. Sure it messed up his body but the drugs, they were worse. Lance would be seizing in pain for hours unable to think, hear, and barely able to breathe. It felt like someone was pushing on his chest, stabbing every part of his body while burning it at the same time. After every session Lotor would ask him questions which Lance either answered with snide remarks or nothing at all. But Lance’s lack of cooperation made Lotor even more excited.

Lance had learned this: Prince Lotor is nothing like his father. Sure Zarkon was scary but he wasn’t very patient. He would rather fight head on than take the time to plan every detail. But Lotor, Lotor could wait and that was even more frightening. He was methodical and manipulative. Crazy and smart. In some ways he was definitely worse than Zarkon ever was.

Lance was aware that his body was getting worse, the cut on his head also come with a sizable bump which throbbed like a never ending drum beat on his skull. The vision in his left eye was completely gone now although he was getting used to it. His back hurt and itched all the time. The skin on his back was rough from the burns and every small twitch was agony. His hands and arms were littered with small deep cuts from the needles. Some were healing while others were new, blood dripping onto the floor. He couldn’t feel his legs anymore. He was in a constant state of pain and numb but it didn’t bother him much anymore. The pain kept him awake and aware. If he was getting out of this, and that’s a _big if_ , then he’d bring back with information of his own.

Lance had gathered this about Lotor:

 1. He was Zarkon’s son that Zarkon didn’t like very much

2\. He was on his way to meeting the witch druid lady after Voltron beat Zarkon’s ass in that last fight

3\. He had a harem of aliens 

4\. He was really creepily obsessed with Allura.

 Lance himself was obsessed with Allura cause she’s _beautiful_ but not like this guy. If he got out of this he was going to apologize from every flirty thing he ever said to her.

But right now he was more concerned about the Lotor in front of him. The weird thing was that Lance was pretty sure he was hallucinating or dreaming. Lance couldn’t really tell which, if there was even a difference.

“Your team abandoned you. They’re never coming back.” Lotor said.

Lance shook his head, it throbbed painfully but the pain kept him awake. It kept him sane.

“Why _would_ they? You’re just the _jokester_. The comic relief. _You don’t have a special skill._ You’re nothing to them! You’ve said it before! Shiro is the leader. Keith is his favorite and the best pilot of his generation! Compared to him you’re nothing but a _cheap replacement_ for him, for Shiro’s _favorite pet_! Hunk is a genius and a kind soul. He deserves a better friend than you. And Pidge? She’s the smartest person, a genius beyond her age! Allura is the princess _and_ the only one who can control the castle. Coran is the only one who can take care of the castle, he’s smart and kind. They all have their _thing._ They all have a _purpose_. But you don’t. _You’re worthless_.” Lotor spat at him, enraged.

Slowly his face began to change. Lotor quickly faded away and was being replaced by someone else. Himself. Lance was staring at himself. He was going crazy. The hallucination shouted at him, continuing to yell all the thoughts that Lance had kept under check. That Lance had tried to conceal.

“ **WHY DO YOU EVEN BOTHER TRYING TO PROTECT THEM**?! They haven’t done anything for you! They tell you to SHUT UP, to FOCUS, they don’t WANT you! They don’t even NEED YOU! GIVE IN! **YOU WOULD BE BETTER OFF DEAD!!** ”

Lance tried to shut him out. But how many times had he stared at his own face. How many times had his own face yelled his worse fears? _I guess this is a new way to look at the phrase beating yourself up_ , Lance let out a small laugh. Then the laugh grew louder. And the worst part was it that he couldn’t tell if he was laughing or crying. But he said nothing back. He just laughed and laughed as tears streamed down his face.

 

* * *

Keith was _pissed_. It had been one week and three days since they left Lance behind on a galra ship where they were doing god-knows-what to him right now. Keith had never NOT liked Lance, in fact he’d say they were friends, although he knew Lance wouldn’t say the same.

Keith had been concerned for weeks before they left Lance behind. Maybe months. Ever since the wormhole gone wrong when the lions were split up. Lance had become quieter, didn’t say as much, and didn’t joke as must. He lashed out at Shiro during the mission where Keith learned about his past and being part galra. But afterwards when he confessed to the group Lance was the first person to tell him it was fine, the first one to say anything.

“Yeah so _what_?” Lance said, standing up from the table.

Keith was shocked, honestly with the way things had been going between the two of them he expected something else.

“ _What_? This is serious! I’m part _Galra_ , like the species that ruined the _whole universe_.” Keith practically shouted.

Lance looked unfazed.

“Well yeah but you’re still _Keith_ , you have been the entire time. It’s not like you’re any different then you were before. You’re still the best pilot with a stupid ass mullet. It’s just that you know more about yourself now. So like, congrats I guess.” Lance smiled.

He walked away from the table waved to the rest of the stunned faces around the table.

“I’m gonna take a swim, you guys have fun getting over your angst!” Lance shouted over his shoulder while he left the room entirely.

After that they were fine for the most part, Keith hadn’t thanked him though. He regretted that now. After that Shiro had gone missing. Keith was in shock he couldn’t think but Lance had grabbed him by the shoulders and turned him to face him directly.

“Keith, I know you don’t want to think about it right now but you’re the leader now. We need to focus. We’ll find Shiro, don’t worry too much.” He said. 

Yeah they had butt heads and thank god Keith didn’t need to be leader long, they found Shiro after three days, but Lance was still quiet and still not himself. Keith was worried. But he never said anything, never talked to him. They were always doing something else, _after this mission I’ll talk to him_ , but something always came up. _Always_.

That’s what Keith most regretted. Or maybe it was the look on Lance’s face when he threw him and Pidge over the edge into the vent before the ship exploded. Lance’s face was expressionless, eyes hard and smile sad. He knew exactly what he was doing and Keith hated it. He was an idiot. Now he had to get him back.

It wasn’t like they were sitting around sulking this entire time but Allura had insisted that this time they needed help, allies that could help bring Lance back. They needed ships and plans. But it had been too long, it was taking too much time.

Keith barged into dining room where everyone was gathered discussing something that was related to the plan to get Lance back. Hunk was pale as he was these past several days, worry had etched wrinkles into his forehead that never went away. Pidge was concentrated on the details refusing to think of anything else so her mind didn’t wander to places that she’s rather not think about. Shiro had his full attention on Allura and Coran but he wore a frown that had not strayed from his face. They looked over at Keith, shocked as he slammed his hands on the table.

“WHAT THE HELL ARE WE DOING?!” He shouted.

Everyone looked back shocked, Allura was staring at him looking a little scared, Shiro and Coran were stunned into silence, Pidge and Hunk looked concerned.

“What-what do you mea-?” Allura began before Keith slammed his hands back down on the table.

“I _mean_ that Lance is on a Galra ship and has been for a week and three days suffering _god-knows-what_ and the hands of some _asshole_ and we are just sitting here coming up with plans!” Keith paused to release a breath before continuing hopefully sounding a bit calmer, “Why did you order us to fall back? _Why did we abandon him?_ Why do we need allies to take down a small fleet when we have never had trouble doing that before?” Keith asked, he was practically pleading with her.

Now everyone was looking at Allura, even Coran looked at her with curiosity. Allura’s breath hitched a bit but she took another breath that went down a bit smoother. Keith didn’t like being so aggressive but he was pissed and needed to know.

Allura swallowed before she spoke.

“The reason that we needed to leave is because I recognized the ship that was taking Lance. It was the ship belonging to Prince Lotor.” She said.

Coran gasped, finally understanding.

Pidge spoke quickly, “Who the hell is Prince Lotor?”

“Pidge, language.” Shiro said softly.

She let out a huff. Muttering under her breath about Keith saying the words ‘asshole’ and ‘hell’ two seconds ago. Shiro ignored her.

Allura continued.

“Prince Lotor is Zarkon’s son, although I understand that they were not close. When Zarkon was the black paladin, he and my father were close. It was natural that the children of said men would play together. Lotor was a kind child at first. We rather liked playing together. But something changed in Lotor, he became disturbed as he got older.” She took a breath before continuing, “He would, torture creatures. He said he was playing with them but I knew what he was doing. One day he killed a child we were playing with. He claimed it to be an accident but we knew better.” She paused.

“Obviously Lotor was sent away from his father to a faraway planet that helped Galra who were too aggressive or that is what Zarkon claimed. That’s where Lotor stayed. I heard it only got worse from there. However Zarkon was also acting strangely and then he betrayed the paladins. I was told he began to change after his wife, Prince Lotor’s mother, died.” Allura finished.

“After we awoke from our 10,000 year sleep I tried to catch myself up on all I could. I learned about Zarkon as best I could and Lotor. He has become ruthless. Kidnapped species all over the galaxy to keep as glorified pets. Tortured prisoners, disobeyed every order Zarkon ever gave him, was given his own fleet which is known for not losing a single battle. In some galaxies Lotor is known as the planet killer. So that day we… _left_ Lance I knew we couldn’t fight him, down one paladin and already under attack. So I ordered us to fall back. If we can get a few more allies to stand with us we can take him long enough to get Lance _off that ship_ and _back_ home.” Allura said looking into Keith’s eyes.

“I beg you, give me a few more days. We _will save him_ and bring him home. I promise.” Allura looked each and every one of them in the eye making sure they knew exactly how serious she was. Keith’s only concern was if Lance could last that long.


	3. Well, Fuck.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today’s the day Team Voltron get Lance back home, only question is will they be able to get to him in time?

It had been two more days since Keith’s outburst and the Voltron team was finally ready to take Lance back from the galra. They had left him on that ship for a grand total of one week and five days. Hunk had waited long enough. He was worried. So so so worried. Lance was his best buddy, his best friend and Hunk had abandoned him on an unknown planet to be captured by galra. He hated himself. How could he leave him there? But he did. _They all did._

Hunk’s guilt aside he was extremely worried about Lance. He had been since the moment he saw his limp body being pulled by that ship. Was he injured? Was he okay? Was he getting tortured right now? The questions kept coming and going, especially since the Princess said that this Lotor guy liked to torture his prisoners. He couldn’t even imagine. He shook his head and did his best to keep it off his mind because they were getting Lance back today.

Hunk entered the deck where everyone else was busy checking charts, maps, locations and chattering about the details of the mission. Team Voltron had recruited a couple of different species in their effort to save Lance. More members of the Blade of Marmora joined them as well as two species from the same planet that had volunteered immediately once realizing that the blue paladin had gone missing.

One was a species of alien that kind of looked like humanoid birds called the Noo. The other was the other species that also lived on the same planet which kind of looked like fish humans called the Goo. Lance had laughed for hours when he realized together they were Noo Goo. These two species had fought all the time, Team Voltron mediated a treaty to stop the fighting to get the planet to ally with them in the Voltron Alliance. Both species were very advanced and naturally they fought for dominance. However now they lived rather peacefully although they still argued. When Team Voltron came to the planet again asking for allies in the fight against Prince Lotor the two species had refused at first.

The head of the Noo, tall with bright orange feathers spoke first.

“We will not risk our lives to fight Prince Lotor, he is too dangerous!” The Noo said, feathers fluffing in outrage.

The head of the Goo nodded, short with green and blue scales covering his body.

“Yes, we agree for once. Prince Lotor is a planet killer you cannot ask us to sacrifice our own.” The Goo stated.

Shiro took a breath and stepped forward.

“Please, the blue paladin, Lance, is captured abroad his ship. We don’t-“ But he was interrupted by both the Noo and Goo leaders speaking at the same time.

“ _What_?! Why did you not tell us-“

“ _Captured_?! How can that-“

It took several tries to get them to stop talking at once but eventually the Goo spoke.

“We will fight to bring back the blue paladin. We will use all our resources to do so.” The Noo nodded his head in agreement.

Allura stepped forward, “ _Thank you_. Thank you so much.” Then she paused and asked the question that everyone was wondering, “But why did you change your mind so quickly?” She asked, curious.

The Noo looked at the Goo, nodded and answered for the both of them.

“The blue paladin is special. He is like light. When you last came much progress was made by Lance’s constant visits with the two of us. He brought us together despite how much we protested. Now, although this alliance is not perfect, we are stronger. We will save the paladin that saved us from ourselves.” The Goo nodded in agreement.

Shiro looked shocked, so did everyone else. They hadn’t known that Lance had been spending time with the Noo and Goo by himself when they were here before. They had only spent three days on this planet to organize the treaty. Where had he found the time to meet with them outside of negotiations? And how had none of them noticed? Perhaps he was the reason that the negotiations had gone rather smoothly. Slowly the team began to realize that they didn’t know very much about Lance.

But with that they had the allies they needed.

The Noo and Goo had space ships with technology that was similar to Altean tech. Hunk was excited to study it once this was over but he had to get Lance back first.

Once Hunk entered the first deck Allura silenced everyone. Hunk hadn’t seen so many people on deck before.

“Alright!” She said loudly, everyone growing silent.

“We are here to go over the plan for getting Lance back to us.” She gestured to the hologram in front of them. “Lance is located on this ship which is now floating above the planet of Inu near the sun of the system. The fleet is moving slowly and don’t seem to be in any kind of rush to get anywhere. The plan is simple. Pidge and Keith will ride in the Green Lion while the rest of us wait. They will use the Green Lion’s cloaking to board the ship. Once safely on board we will attack the fleet and keep their attention for as long as we can. Shiro and Hunk will wait close to Prince Lotor’s ship in case Pidge and Keith need assistance.” She paused for a breath, “Our only mission is to distract and bring Lance home. We are not trying to win this fight. As soon as Lance is on board the castle we will wormhole out immediately.”

She looked at everyone gathered, “Thank you for joining us to save our friend. I wish you all luck. _Let’s bring him home_.” Allura was met with some enthusiastic cheers before everyone began to depart.

Without thinking Hunk grabbed Keith by the arm as he passed by, surprising Keith and himself.

“Uh. Keith could I talk to you for uh…. One second?” Hunk asked voice low and slightly embarrassed.

Keith blinked, Hunk never asked him for anything so he agreed.

Hunk pulled him to the side and down the hall a bit before stopping and turning around, away from the people.

“I know you’re like… really great at stealth and stuff. And I don’t doubt your ability but I’m a… Worried. _Really really worried_. So if you could a let me… I mean everyone, know as soon as you have eyes on Lance that you… you know, have eyes on Lance. That’d be great. And um… let me know how he is? Please? I just… I just need to know he’s okay.” Hunks eyes were filling with tears a little bit, he blinked them back.

Keith smiled gently at Hunk, the poor guy has been so worried. Worried enough to ask Keith to keep him updated. Guess this is why Hunk was Lance’s best friend.

Keith gently put a hand on Hunk’s shoulder.

“Yeah of course, buddy. No worries. I’ll make sure that you’re updated and kept in the loop.” He paused squeezing Hunk’s shoulder, “I promise I’m not leaving Lance behind again. He’s coming home no matter what.” He let go of Hunk’s shoulder.

Hunk nodded.

“Yeah. Yeah, thanks Keith.” They smiled at each other before turning down the hall and getting in their respective lions.

* * *

Keith entered the Green Lion, mouth closing behind him and Pidge at the console in a chair that seemed a little too big for her. Pidge was busy tapping on the screen and Keith kept silent until she spoke up.

“Do you… do you think he’s okay? He can’t be… like… you know.” Pidge trailed off.

“Dead?” Keith said, Pidge whipped her head around to give him a glare that could kill people, “Woah, calm down. There’s no way that idiot is dead.” Keith stated confidently.

Pidge’s death glare subsided into a worried look, eyes glistening a little.

“How do you know?” She said in a half whisper.

Keith smiled softly, putting a hand on her helmet on top of her head.

“Lance would never die knowing that he hadn’t beat me yet. We still have a rivalry you know.” He paused, “Plus he can’t leave anyone here behind. He’s too stubborn. He’ll probably say a cheap one-liner as soon as we see him. Don’t worry. We’ll bring him home.” Keith stated.

Pidge sniffed and nodded, Keith’s hand let her helmet go and she turned her attention back on the console. After a few minutes she was done.

“Alright let’s get our idiot back.” She said.

“Damn straight.” Keith replied.

* * *

Keith and Pidge left the hangar in the Green Lion cloaked against detection, which had improved greatly over the time that Lance was gone. Pidge had kept herself occupied and managed to make the cloaking last longer and cloak a little better. So they floated gently towards the giant galra warship. It was huge and looked different from other ships they’d seen, it looked a lot older. Not quite as sleek and looked like it came out of a battle and didn’t very bother to try and repair some of the damage. Maybe Prince Lotor liked it that way.

“Okay.” Said Pidge, talking to Keith and to the comms, “We’re about to land. I’m going to park the Green Lion right under the radar, she’ll be harder to detect that way.” Pidge finished.

Shiro’s voice came online.

“Alright, be careful. Remember try and be as stealthy as possible. Get Lance and get out. Keep us updated.” Shiro finished.

“Understood.” Said Keith.

Pidge landed her lion under a large tower which was apparently the radar for the ship, although Keith didn’t know either way. He was more concentrated on finding a discrete way in. Once they landed Keith spotted what looked to be a vent of some kind and motioned to Pidge, she nodded, understanding.

They jumped into open space and landed on the surface of the galra ship. They jumped along the ship using their jet packs to maneuver. Soon they were outside the vent. Keith used his bayard to open the hatch and Pidge and Keith tucked themselves safely inside. They went down a ways before being blocked by a metal wall.

“What?” Keith asked.

“It’s to control what goes out into space. Or else all the air would be sucked out. We just need to open it briefly to get through.” Pidge said. She took out a cord and searched for a plug in before finding one and typing into the screen on her wrist. In seconds the wall opened up and the two of them were safely on the other side, the wall closing behind them.

The vent was rather large but gradually got smaller the closer they got to the inside of the ship. Soon both Pidge and Keith were crawling, Keith first, Pidge behind. Normally there would be some banter but this mission had to be done with as little talking as possible. Once they saw light from inside the vent, the light came from one of the inner hallways. Pidge gave the signal. Moments later sirens were going off, high and loud against their ears. They watched as galra scrambled into battle positions shouting orders down the hall. Keith tried to see if any of them went to check on prisoners, maybe they could follow them to Lance but none did.

They waited until the galra were out of hall before Keith kicked the vent, and jumped down into the hallway with Pidge following close behind. The siren lights were still going washing the hallway in moving purple light but the sound had switched off. Keith’s ears were still ringing. They hugged close to the wall moving to find a control panel that Pidge could connect to. Eventually they found one and Pidge plugged in fingers moving as fast as they could to find Lance.

The ship was huge. There were millions of files but she just needed one.

“Bingo!” She said under her breath before pausing. “Weird.” She said in a whisper.

“What?” Keith asked throat tightening.

“Nothing. I mean they have 52 files on Lance. Why do they…” She said. “No nevermind, I’ll just download them really quick. He’s down the hall in a room that has a galra symbol kind that of looks like a fish.” She finished.

Keith looked over. Yeah it did look sort of like a fish. Pidge finished her download before disconnecting and they were sneaking down the hall. It took them a bit because they had to pause and hide against walls and the ceiling when stray soldiers came through. But they got there.

They were standing outside the door to Lance’s cell. Pidge plugged in again working as quickly as she could.

“Is it hard to crack? You’re taking longer than usual.” Keith stated.

Pidge huffed fingers still moving fast, “Yeah this advanced stuff, and they really don’t want anyone in here but too bad for them because Lance is coming home with me.” With the last syllable she pressed her finger and the door flew open revealing a very dark room.

Their eyes had to adjust for a second but the smell came first. Dried blood, sweat, and body odor assaulted their noses like a wave. Suspended on the wall in front of them, two feet above the ground, held down by metal clamps was Lance. His head hung loose tipped forward so they couldn’t see his face, limp. Keith could hear the sound of dripping and even though his eyes hadn’t adjusted he knew it was just going to get worse.

“I have a visual on Lance.” Keith said, keeping his voice as even as he could. He and Pidge approached slowly mostly because they couldn’t believe what they were seeing. Voices came in over the comms.

“ _Yes_!” Said Allura.

“Thank goodness.” Said Shiro.

“ _Thank god_! Please tell me he’s okay.” Hunk sounded desperate.  

Keith put a hand under Lance’s jaw checking for a pulse, Lance didn’t so much as twitch. He had a heartbeat and he was breathing but it was labored, quick and fast.

Keith breathed a sigh of relief, “He’s alive. In bad shape, but alive. Right now he’s unconscious. I’m gonna see if I can wake him while Pidge tries to get him out of these clamps. We’ll keep updating you.” Keith said.

Hunk gave a small thank you and Keith could hear a sigh of relief from Shiro and Allura on the other end of the comms.

Keith looked over Lance. The dripping sound was the blood that was falling from Lance’s hands and hitting the ground. He tried to look for the source of the injury and realized that there were so so many. Pidge made a small gasp.

“ _Oh my god_.” She whispered.

Lance’s hands were covered in small deep cuts that cascaded every inch of skin on his hands and slowly went up his arms. He had a cut over his eye and bruising on his face. The skin over his face was stretched thin over his cheekbones and he looked so pale.

“What did they do to him?” Pidge asked, panic rising in her voice. Keith’s breath was hitching in chest refusing to go down smoothly. He never had imagined he would see Lance like this. But he calmed or tried to. They were bringing him home and the healing pod would do its thing and he would be fine.

“Pidge.” Keith said, she didn’t answer. “Pidge.” He tried again.

Her eyes snapped to him, wide and scared.

“Hey, just focus for me okay? Let’s get him down, he’ll be okay I promise.” Keith reassured.

Pidge took a moment, blinking and then nodded, running to a nearby control panel and tapping away. Keith checked the door, no guards so far and went back to Lance. Trying to rouse him even if only to check his injuries.

“Hey. Hey, Lance, buddy I need you to wake up for me!” He half whispered. Keith tapped Lance’s face, at first nothing happened. But slowly Lance stirred and Keith sighed. Anything was better than Lance hanging there limp. Lance lifted his head with such a slow movement that it almost looked painful, blinking and confused.

Keith flinched. The eye, Lance’s left eye, was complete red. A dark blood red like blood had poured straight into his eyeball. The color was so violent that it almost drowned the color of his blue eyes. Keith winced, that had to hurt.

“Hey, Lance. We’re here to bringing you home buddy.” Keith said.

Lance looked at him in confusion and looked around, noticed Pidge hovering over the control screen and looked back at Keith.

“I haven’t had this hallucination before. _Kind of cruel you know?_ ” Lance said voice scratchy and flat.

Keith blinked.

“What? We’re not a hallucination! We’re real buddy, we came to get you!” Keith said, his voice filling with concern and slight panic. Lance thought he was hallucinating? How bad was this?

Lance blinked again but slowly the dazed look was disappearing from his face and his eyes looked clear, coherent.

“Oh my god. It really is you. But _why_ did you… how did you?” Lance couldn’t really decide on a question but it didn’t matter because Pidge made a little noise and Lance was released from the wall and fell directly into Keith’s arms.

Keith did his best to keep Lance upright but was having trouble because Lance made barely an effort to stand, just dead weight.

“Lance, um… _buddy?_ I need you to work with me here, can you walk?” Keith asked shifting Lance’s weight around best he could.

Lance took a moment to think, Pidge approaching to help.

“No, I haven’t used my legs since I’ve been here. They’re a little weak.” He admitted.

Pidge moved to touch Lance’s back and Lance whimpered and screeched at the same time. It was a horrible sound. Pidge immediately withdrew.

Lance hissed, “God, sorry Pidge. My-my back, is pretty hurt so um just try to be careful. _Okay sweetie?_ ”

Lance only called Pidge sweetie when he didn’t want to scare her. She moved to inspect the area and gasped. All Lance had on was the under armor for their suits and the back of Lance’s was completely burned off revealing a patch work of skin that was unrecognizable. Like someone had taken all of Lance’s skin on his back chopped it up and put it back haphazardly. Some areas were sickly bulges while others were stretched too thin to be comfortable. It was a horrible burn that went from the top of Lance’s neck to his mid back.

“Oh my god, Lance.” She whispered.

Keith couldn’t really see, doing his best not to touch Lance’s back as much as possible but by the tone of Pidge’s voice it was bad. Really bad.

Lance huffed, “Its fine Pidge, don’t worry about it. Just uuuuh… help me get on Keith’s back. Piggy back is probably best.” He said.

Keith agreed. So with much struggling and their best effort not to jostle Lance too much, they had Lance on Keith’s back in no time.

There was no way that they could get out the way they came, not with Lance injured and Keith carrying him. Keith kept quiet thinking of a way to escape and began walking toward the door, with Lance on his back when Lance whispered in his ear.

“Back up. Someone is coming.” Lance whispered.

Keith and Pidge looked at each other neither of them had heard anything but soon they heard the footsteps coming in their direction. Lance motioned with his bloody hand for Keith to go against the wall. Keith moved, hugging the wall with Pidge in front readying her bayard. The guard drew closer. They were next to the door so the guard wouldn’t see them at first when passing. Lance poked Pidge in the shoulder and she turned slightly.

“ _Don’t move._ ” He ordered.

Pidge stared at him wide eyed as the guard entered the room. He barely turned before Lance’s bayard appeared in his own hand, seemingly out of nowhere and shot the guard straight between his eyes. The galra fell, dead. Keith and Pidge were stunned.

“ _What?_ ” Keith sputtered.

Lance’s gun became his bayard again before it disappeared entirely.

“Cool. Glad that actually worked.” Lance breathed, practically collapsing onto Keith.

“ _How_ did you do that?” Pidge whispered.

Lance breathed heavily against Keith’s ear before replying.

“Dunno. Just sort of did… can we get off the ship now?” Lance asked quietly.

Keith blinked, putting the image of the dead galra out of his mind before getting up again.

“Yeah sure buddy. Let’s go.” He said, looking into the hall with Pidge following behind.

Pidge gave directions to the closest exit. Pidge said that since Lance didn’t have his helmet he couldn’t go into direct space but Green could stick her mouth into the exit, blocking the air supply from getting out and they’d jump right in.

They hid, ran and dodged galra until they got to their exit point. They were lucky that the whole ship hadn’t been notified of their presence. Keith was worried about how quiet Lance had gotten, just labored breathing in his ear. Lance was so light, too light. Keith was barely breaking a sweat.

Sure enough they closed the door on the galra chasing them and Green’s huge mouth took up the entire hall, ready for them. They jumped inside without a second thought. Pidge running for the controls as Green closed her mouth behind them. Keith gently dropped Lance into a chair, strapping him in as best he could while Pidge informed the rest of the team that they were in the Green Lion and on route to the castle. She was avoiding fire and galra ships with as much care as she could manage.

Keith yelled from the back of the lion as Pidge dodged her way through the battle trying to get through to the castle.

“ **FUCK!** Pidge I need you to go faster!” Keith shouted.

“What? What happened?” Pidge shouted her eyes not straying from where she was flying.

Keith’s voice rose, panicked, “ _Lance’s heart just stopped beating!_ ” He screamed.

For one single moment everything stopped and the silence was deafening.


	4. Well, Damn.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When The Voltron Team are about to escape Prince Lotor with Lance with them, his heart stops. The team is so close to the Castle. But can they save him in time?

Keith had noticed how quiet Lance had gotten when he strapped him into the seat in the back of the Green lion. But he was busy grabbing the first aid kit and wrapping up his bleeding hands, preoccupied. But Lance’s hands were cold, He had been sweating the entire time during the escape but now he wasn’t. Then Keith looked up from wrapping one of his hands, looking at Lance’s face and realized he wasn’t breathing.

Keith’s hand flew up to Lance’s neck searching for any kind of heart beat. Nothing. Lance’s heart wasn’t beating.

“ **FUCK**! Pidge I need you to go faster!” Keith shouted.

“What? What happened?” Pidge shouted her eyes not straying from where she was flying.

Keith’s voice rose, panicked, _“Lance’s heart just stopped beating!”_ He screamed.

There was a moment of pure silence before Keith jumped up, undoing Lance’s straps and throwing his body to the floor. Keith kneeled beside him trying to remember every CPR class he ever had at the Garrison. Keith placed his hands over the middle of Lance’s chest and pumped hard and fast counting in groups of thirty. He was determined, there was no way that he was going to let this idiot die when they were so _damn_ close to saving him.

Shiro’s voice came on over the comms, filling Pidge’s ears and bringing her back to reality.

“Okay, Keith is performing CPR. Hunk cover Pidge, keep anything trying to hit her off of her. I’ll take care of anything in her way. Pidge, I need you to go as fast as you can! Allura, _we’re coming in hot!_ ” He said.

The yellow and black lions were at her side in an instant and Pidge pushed Green even further, going faster than she had ever dared to fly her. Keith’s counting was like a panicked drum beat against her ear. Shiro cut down anyone who came in her way and Hunk protected her. She had to get to the castle.

Keith kept pumping, pausing a beat or two to check Lance’s pulse. Nothing. He kept pumping. He looked up, briefly and had never been more thankful to see the castle and the hangar only seconds away. His arms were screaming, sweat pouring from his head and silently begging Lance to come back. Lance’s face was so so pale and he didn’t twitch, he didn’t do anything. He was just lying there limp. Keith kept pumping.

They were landing in the hangar, Pidge let go of the controls and practically ran out of her seat to sit next to Keith anxiously grabbing Lance’s arm. The green lion landed herself in the hangar, opening her mouth immediately as seconds later Shiro and Hunk were running up the ramp, all gathering around Lance.

Shiro said something about being on board and Allura created a wormhole and they left the galra behind. Keith kept pumping. Shiro tried to take over but Keith shook his head. It was his responsibility just a bit more, he could do it. He silently begged Lance to open his eyes, to do something. 

As if Lance somehow heard his thoughts, he took a sudden breath and began to cough. They all cried in relief.

“ _Lance_!” Pidge shouted.

“Oh my god _Lance_.” Shiro said.

“Lance, _buddy_!” Hunk said through tears.

Keith remained silent, breathing hard himself, just sitting back as Lance rolled onto his side still coughing violently. Shiro placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, avoiding the burns on his back as he winced in sympathy. Lance was still coughing, trying to breathe normally.

“Lance, it’s okay just try to take slow breaths, you’re fine now.” Shiro said soothingly.

It took him several tries but his breathing did become normal again. So he just laid on his side breathing for a bit before rolling onto his back again. He was so happy to see everyone again. Lance smiled and didn’t even notice that he wasn’t in any pain, too happy to see his friends again.

“Hey guys.” Lance said voice scratchy.

Keith huffed, “Don’t _hey guys_ me! You _fucking scared me_ just now! Who the _hell_ told you that you were allowed to stop your heart _huh?_ ” He said, exasperated. But there was no heat in his voice, just concern.

Lance looked at Keith, turning his head so that he could see him with his right eye.

“Yeah sorry dude. Thanks for the save.” Lance laughed weakly. He raised his hand and Keith took it gently, mindful of the wounds.

Hunk spoke up, “Lance how are you dude? You look like a mess.” He stated.

Lance laughed a little, “Thanks _bro_. I’m feel fine I guess?” Lance said, sounding confused by his own statement.

Shiro felt a jolt going through his heart, sudden panic.

“Lance, what do you mean you feel fine?” He asked, “Be honest.” There was no way he could feel even remotely fine in his state.

Lance moved his eyes slowly to Shiro whose face was just above him.

“Like, I’m not in pain. Or maybe more like I can’t feel anything.” He said, Shiro went pale and Lance was about to ask why when sudden pain in his abdomen made him choke. 

Nevermind, scratch that he was in _a lot of pain_. It was a stabbing pain so horrible and sudden, he slapped Keith’s hand away grabbing his left side and curled in, god _why did it hurt so much_?

“Lance. Lance!” Shiro shouted, trying to move Lance’s hands and see the problem. Hunk grabbed Lance’s hands, pulling them away by force. Pidge grabbed the end of Lance’s black suit shirt and pulled it up. Lance’s side was swelling badly and a dark shade of purple had blossomed across his swollen stomach.

Shiro swallowed the lump in his throat before he began to give orders.

“Lance is internally bleeding, we need to get him to the healing pod now. Hunk help Lance onto my back, I’ll carrying him to the healing deck. Princess, I need you and Coran in the healing room NOW.” Shiro was practically shouting. Hunk grabbed Lance by the shoulders, helping him sit upright.

“Buddy I know you’re in a lot of pain right now but we have to get you on Shiro’s back so we can get you fixed up _okay_?” Hunk said gently but all serious, moving Lance’s body into position. Lance wasn’t making any sound, just biting his lip and becoming paler by the second.

After some maneuvering Lance was on Shiro’s back. Shiro started running with Pidge, Keith and Hunk following closely behind. Shiro could hear Lance’s breathing in his ear, erratic and short. He ran as fast as he could through the castle, finally getting to the healing pod room with Allura and Corran arriving from the other direction. Shiro ran inside, Allura followed behind and Coran stopped the other paladins from entering.

“It’s best if you wait outside. As soon as he is in the pod we’ll let you back in.” He said before closing the door behind him leaving Keith, Hunk and Pidge waiting in the hall.

* * *

Shiro laid Lance down on an examine table as gently as he could. Allura helping him her face pale at the sight. It was truly horrible.

“How long was his heart stopped?” She asked, grabbing equipment as she spoke.

Shiro paused thinking, “Three minutes, Princess.” He shuddered as he thought that, Lance had been _dead_ for three minutes.

“Alright. He’s lost a lot of blood by the look of his hands. We need to remove his suit so I can reach his injuries and prepare him for the pod.” She stated.

Shiro nodded, grabbing the top of Lance’s shirt. With how much fabric had been burned off his back it was amazing that Lance’s shirt even managed to stay on. He was about to rip it off when Lance’s hand stopped him.

“W-wait, give me a minute to- to…” He couldn’t really finish his sentence but he didn’t have to.

Shiro noticed that his injures on his hands and up his arms were covered by the fabric. They hadn’t bothered to remove it. So when the injuries healed the scabs had fused with the fabric. So when they rip it off… Shiro swallowed, it’ll be like tearing off a layer of skin.

“ _Okay_ , it’s okay Lance you just tell me when you’re ready. It’ll be as quick as I can make it.” Shiro said.

“Like ripping off a Band-Aid?” Lance asked, smiling slightly but his eyes were wide.

Shiro nodded, “Yeah like a Band-Aid.”

Lance’s eyes closed, breathing in and out trying to slow down his breathing. But eventually he nodded. Shiro grabbed one side of the shirt, Coran the other and they ripped it off in one quick motion.

Lance let out a scream so loud, Shiro thought he might never get the sound out of his head. It was the sound of a wounded animal. A split second after Lance shut his mouth, tensing, the scream muffling in his throat before it stopped entirely. Lance’s head rolled to the side, limp. Shiro panicked, checking his pulse and let out a sigh of relief when he felt it fluttering under his fingers. Lance was just unconscious. 

“ _Oh_ , oh Lance.” Allura whispered.

Shiro turned finally looking at the paladin’s body. He couldn’t look away. Lance’s arms and hands were covered in deep cuts that overlapped one another on every inch of available skin. The cuts stopped at the bicep of each arm but the skin was angry and red and now blood flowed freely from the cuts. Coran moved to stop the bleeding as Allura grabbed a jar of some jell and started putting it on the open wounds. It stopped the bleeding when the cuts made contact with the jell. Giant purple bruising and swelling covered Lance’s left side but the bruising continued across his chest and onto both of his wrists. His skin was pale and Allura couldn’t stop the tears from falling down her face but continued to put the salve on Lance’s wounds.

Shiro and Coran worked Lance’s pants off of him, purple bruising on his ankles. His legs looked skinnier than usual but other than the bruising they seemed okay. Some good news.

Shiro and Coran worked the white suit for the healing pod onto Lance, waiting for Allura to put the rest of the salve on before shoving his arms into the sleeves as gently as possible. They sat the unconscious Lance up and Allura gasped.

Lance’s back was horribly burned and Allura could only stare at what was left of his distorted skin.

“I-I _don’t know_ if…” But she didn’t finish.

“Princess, you don’t know what?” Shiro asked.

“I don’t know if the healing pod can _fix this_.” She stated, hand hovering just above Lance’s back.

Shiro was shocked into silence for a moment, “Wait _what do you mean?_ The pod can’t fix burns?”

She shook her head, “No, no not burns. This wound… it’s already healed. Not completely and certainly not correctly but it’s healed. Anything that’s been healed can’t be undone. The healing pod _can’t fix this_. That’s why it doesn’t fix the scar across your nose, Shiro. Because it has…”

“Already healed.” Shiro finished for her. Allura nodded. Shiro looked at Lance’s back, the patchwork of disjointed skin.

“So… so what? He’ll be scarred? He’ll keep this burn on his back?” Shiro asked.

Allura nodded, “Yes. I think so, most of it at least. Some of it might heal but it will remain. He might keep the scars on his hands too. I don’t know how much the pod can do for him in that sense. We’ll just have to see.” She said, sounding disappointed, in what? Herself? Probably.

She gently zipped up the back of the white suit, Lance’s scar peaking up over the suit on the back of his neck. Coran and Shiro carried him between them gently and placed him in the pod. The glass door shut and Lance was suspended in blue light. All they could do now was wait.

* * *

Keith, Hunk and Pidge waited anxiously in the hall. Pidge seated next to the door, Keith standing on the other side and Hunk directly in front of the door his hands wriggling around each other in a nervous dance. They didn’t say anything to one another, just stood there.

But they heard Lance scream, so full of pain that Hunk tried to tear his way through the door to get to him. Keith and Pidge stopped him but their combined strength was no match for Hunk. But they pushed him back as best they could.

“Hunk. Hunk! Wait!” Pidge begged pushing against his waist.

“Hunk stop!” Keith said, pushing his chest.

“Let GO! He _needs_ me! He’s _hurt_! He’s… oh my god LANCE!” Hunk cried, tears streaming down his face. But the emotion eventually became too much and he stopped fighting. But Keith and Pidge didn’t let him go, hugging him close as he collapsed against them.

“Hunk, they’re _not_ hurting him. Lance is going to be okay. They’ll put him in the pod and it’ll fix him up. Don’t worry.” Pidge said, tears of her own streaming down her face.

Hunk nodded and the three of them stayed like that for a while before letting go. Pidge kept a hand on Hunk’s arm and Keith one on his shoulder and they waited.

* * *

Finally the door opened. Coran stepped out looking pale but smiled.

“You can come and see Lance now.” He said.

Hunk barreled his way through the door making a beeline to Lance’s pod with Pidge and Keith on his heels. Lance was suspended in the pod just like they had seen him several times before, expressionless but alive. They looked at Lance for a while before turning to Allura and Shiro who stood several feet away watching them, Coran eventually joining them.

“How is he?” Hunk asked quietly.

Allura answered.

“He’ll be fine.” They breathed a sigh of relief before she continued, “However there may be some complications.” She said finally.

“What do you mean?” Keith asked confused.

Allura swallowed, “Some of Lance’s wounds have already healed. Like the burn on his back for example. Even though it hasn’t healed correctly it is still healed.” She stated, “So the healing pod can’t reverse it.”

“So like if you broke your leg and it healed wrong, it’s still technically healed. That’s why you have to break it again and set it before it can heal properly, right?” Said Pidge.

Allura smiled slightly, “Yes, exactly. Some of the scarring will likely lessen thanks to the healing pod but it won’t go away. The same can be said for his other injuries. I don’t know to what extent they’ll be healed until he is released from the pod. However the bruising and internal bleeding will be healed within the next couple hours. But there are other things that concern me.” She said.

“Pidge when you downloaded the files on Lance, you sent them directly to the ship and in the last couple of minutes I was able to look at some of the data. I haven’t gone through the whole thing but what I have looked at has disturbed me.” A hologram came up with the 52 files that Pidge had found. Allura opened one, although none of them could read Galran but Allura explained.

“It looks like for the entire time that Lance was on board Lotor’s ship he didn’t need to perform any bodily functions… like eating for example. It was like they had somehow kept Lance’s body in some sort of suspended state where he didn’t need to perform such tasks to stay alive.” She said.

“ _Woah woah_ woah, not eating? That includes sleeping right? How can the galra even do that?” Hunk asked, eyes wide.

“That’s what concerns me. According to this Lance was allowed one hour of sleep per day, sometimes less. It’s a tactic used to create a sort of kinship with the torturer, making the subject more willing to give up information. Giving him a little sleep in exchange for cooperation. However Lance never once gave them any information and never gave them answers to their questions. However this right here,” She pointed to the bottom of the file, “They describe the process in which they give Lance large amounts of quintessence directly into his blood stream.” Allura said.

“ _What?_ ” Shiro said, shocked. “Quintessence prolonged Zarkon’s life, right? What does that mean for Lance?” He asked.

“That’s my concern. Quintessence is an _extremely_ powerful substance and essentially it’s pure life energy. The Balmera can produce it naturally through its crystals but the substance given to Lance is enhanced, about three times as powerful as what the Balmera can produce. I believe this is the reason Lance didn’t need to eat or sleep during his time on Lotor’s ship. However from what was described, the process of giving Lance the quintessence was… extremely _painful._ ” She paused, “He would being in pain for hours, seizing, screaming. This substance is so powerful and to put it directly into a human’s blood stream…” She shook her head, “It would be like pouring an extremely hot liquid metal into a thin container. The container would be able to hold it for a while but eventually…”

“It would melt.” Keith finished.

Allura nodded, “Yes.” She said.

There was a long silence. The concern for their friend was palpable.

“What happened once it was in his body?” Pidge asked.

“He absorbed it slowly, like it would with a vitamin or medicine but it’s why he would be in pain for hours. But I have yet to figure out how is changed his body chemistry.” She said.

“But _wait._ ” Said Keith, “When I was injured I accidentally poured some of that stuff on my hand and I absorbed it, it healed my wounds. Why didn’t it do that for Lance?” Keith asked.

Allura turned looking at him, “Keith, you’re part galra. We don’t know how much but at least some of your DNA is Galran. Galra can easy absorb quintessence in small amounts which is why you absorbed it quickly and it healed your wounds. However Lance is completely human and so we don’t know how it will affect him, human physiology is rather frail compared to other species. I can’t even begin to say what may occur, if anything. It is possible that there will be no changed of any kind but we won’t know until he wakes up.” She said, sighing.

“How long will that be?” Shiro asked.

Allura paused, “Three days, in your Earth time.” She stated.

“ _Three DAYS?_ ” Hunk asked shocked, “None of us have spent more than a _couple of hours_ in the healing pods before! Even when Lance was injured after the explosion he was only in there for _half a day_!” Hunk practically shouted.

“Hunk, please listen. Lance is both _physically_ and _mentally_ exhausted. His body needs to spend more time to recover. However he will be much better for it. We’ll just need to wait.” She said.

They all looked at Lance, suspended in the blue light of the pod. All they had to do was wait.


	5. Well, Quiznack.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance is released from his pod with some complications. However the team begins to realize that they don’t know much about Lance at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to @ladyfall16 for suggesting the title of this chapter to me! Enjoy!

So they did wait. Lance was never alone for a second when he was in the healing pod. They even ate their meals with Lance, the first night Lance came back home everyone was reluctant to eat in the dinner room. They tried of course until a few minutes into the meal Hunk grabbed his plate of space goo and left prompting everyone to quickly follow. Even though Lance was still in his pod, unmoving and not speaking, it was better having him there.

They did have things to do however. First they sent the Noo and Good back to their home planet, thanking them for their hard work and promised to bring Lance by once he was better. Then they dropped of the Blade of Marmora members back at their secret base. They continued their routine looking for distress signals and their fight against the Galra. But they never once left Lance alone if they didn’t have to.

So they all kept him company, Shiro in the early morning until breakfast, he mostly watched the monitors on the pod and Lance’s slow breathing. Keith took over until lunch like Shiro he mostly watched but occasionally talked to him, he didn’t know if Lance could hear him but he felt it was the right thing to do. Pidge had lunch until dinner, mostly working on whatever she was working on and looking at Lance for a bit before going back to work. Then Hunk took over from dinner chatting up a storm and slept outside of Lance’s pod during the night until Shiro woke him up. Allura and Coran made frequent visits throughout the day, several times to make sure everything was going smoothly.

So they waited. They watched as the cut over Lance’s eye became a thin white line on his tan skin. They watched as color finally came back into his face and he didn’t look so thin. They watched as his vitals got stronger each and every day until the hour finally came.

The team waited anxiously outside of his pod, much like they did after the explosion where Lance saved Coran. Hunk was in front, ready to catch Lance out of the pod. Pidge was on Hunk’s right and Keith on his left. Shiro stood behind them as Allura and Coran look anxiously over his shoulders.

Finally the glass retracted revealing a standing Lance who opened his eyes and immediately fell forward into Hunk’s arms.

“Lance!” They all shouted with happiness.

Hunk moved Lance so he had one arm slung across his shoulder, supporting his weight, Hunk’s arm around his back keeping him upright. Lance blinked, Keith sighed in relief seeing that his eye was no longer red and for the most part he looked just like he did before. However with new scars. Pidge saw it too, looking at his hands crisscrossed with white lines that probably when up his arms. The back of the white suit failing to hide the burn on his back just peaking up over the suit. But he was alive. That’s all they could ask for.

It took a minute for Lance to speak. His throat felt so dry and the room was spinning a bit.

He smiled, “Hey guys!” Voice scratchy.

They all released a sigh, there he was.

“Good to have you back buddy!” Hunk said, giving him a good squeeze before releasing him, still helping him stand upright.

“Yeah, good to be back.” Lance said.

“Honestly you scared us! But it’s good to have you up and around.” Keith said

“Yeah! The castle was so quiet without you!” Pidge said.

Allura came from behind Shiro, “More importantly how are you feeling?” She asked.

Lance paused, he wasn’t really sure to be honest. But then the princess spoke again.

“Don’t worry, take your time.” Allura said.

First he inspected his hand, he had a lot of scarring. _I guess the healing pod can’t fix everything_ , Lance thought. He blinked then he put his hand up to his left eye. He still couldn’t see out of it, great. Well he kind of expected that.

The rest of the team watched growing more anxious as Lance gently placed his hand in front of his eye, squinting at it, touching the area around it his left eye, before finally putting the hand down.

“Lance, is something the matter?” Shiro asked.

Lance looked somewhat surprised by the question and then smiled shyly.

“Oh… um… I can’t see out of my left eye… actually.” He stated quietly.

There was a moment where everyone just stared at Lance in stunned silence before everything happen at once. Allura and Coran pushed everyone out of the way, Allura grabbing Lance’s face and turning it towards her with Coran shining a light in his eye. Sure enough the eye did not react to any kind of stimulus. Hunk’s grip tighten on Lance. Pidge had moved to Shiro’s side gently touching his arm and Keith on Shiro’s other side looking pale with concern.

Eventually Allura gently let go of Lance’s face, “ _Oh Lance_ , I’m so sorry.” She said finally.

He blinked at her before shaking his hand and placing an awkward but gentle hand on her shoulder.

“Princess, don’t worry about it. I kind of figured. It’s been this way since I got onto Lotor’s ship, to be honest I’m kind of already used to it! Plus it shouldn’t affect thing too much, it’s not like I’m blind completely! Just got to do some extra training!” He smiled before letting her go.

Here was Lance, scarred and now half blind, giving Allura reassurance. She should be giving it to him! She smiled.

“Don’t worry, we’ll work through it! But you must be starving, why don’t you get changed and we get something to eat?” She asked.

Lance smiled, “Yeah sounds good!” He turned to Hunk, “Could you um… help me to my room? I didn’t really use my legs much on my little vacation-nightmare so they’re kind of shaky.” He laughed.

Hunk blinked still in a little shock from the news, “Uh… yeah sure thing buddy.” He did his best to smile back. The two of them left the room while the rest of the team watched from behind.

* * *

Shiro was the first to ask, “Will he be able to pilot his lion?” He questioned, looking at Allura.

He had to ask but he hated doing it, so quickly after Lance stepping out of the pod. So quickly after finally getting him back.

Allura paused about to open her mouth when Coran answered for her.

“It shouldn’t be a problem!” He stated with a smiled. The rest of the group looking at him in confusion including Allura.

“Lance told me about a week before he was captured that he had been piloting the Blue lion entirely through his bond. Using her eyes as his own. He told me in passing after the mission by the two moons of Hadi. He said he suddenly was able to do it and has been ever since. So his half blindness won’t affect his ability to pilot his lion, not to worry.” Coran stated.

The rest looked at Coran, shocked, none of them were aware of this fact.

“ _What?_ Coran, that kind of bonding is extremely advanced! Why didn’t he tell us?” Allura asked.

“ _I know_ Princess, I asked him the same thing! Apparently he had assumed that everyone was doing it already since they all increased their bonding with their lions. Like Pidge and Green and the cosmic dust, or Keith and Red coming for him when he was in danger. He thought it was just part of the process! Never realized he had advanced onto the next stage before everyone else!” Coran laughed.

Shiro now felt guilty for even asking the question. He realized something though, none of them knew much about Lance. None of them.

* * *

Lance and Hunk made their way back to Lance’s room, Hunk asking Lance if he was all right about a thousand times and each time Lance said he was. It wasn’t a complete lie. He was fine, mostly.

They arrived outside of Lance’s room, Hunk giving Lance a quick glance which Lance could see out of the corner of his eye, his good one anyway.

“Um do you… need help? You know…” Hunk asked nervously.

Lance turned to look at him and smiled.

“Hunk I know you want to see me in my underwear…” Lance began.

“ _Oh god!_ Come on!” Hunk protested, a blush rising in his cheeks causing Lance to laugh.

“Sorry man, I’m just kidding. No, I think I’m fine now. Not as shaky anymore. Why don’t you whip me up some space goo and I’ll meet you in the dining room in a bit?” He said, still smiling.

Hunks pout turned into a smile before he nodded and ran off down the hall. Lance watched him go. It was good to be back. He looked back that the door to his room and stepped inside like he had so many times before. Everything was left how it was before he was captured. Blankets crumpled on the bed, robe tossed over a chair, hair and skin products in a messy but somehow orderly display on the table.

But it was dark, and Lance was different than when he had left. He knew that. And when Hunk asked if he was alright, he lied just a little. He was always lying just a little. It was something he knew he was doing but he couldn’t stop himself. For being such an honest person, Lance was rather sly. He could tell a simple, tiny lie and get away with it, never quite telling the truth. But that’s how to keep people at the perfect distance, how you keep up appearances and how you don’t hurt your friends.

Friends. Now that was a mixed word, even here in space. But Lance shook his head, no he won’t go down that train of thought. So instead he worked the white suit off of his body, trying to avoid the mirror but he couldn’t help himself. He looked. He stared.

The cut over his left eyebrow was a fine white line across his tan skin. Small cuts left scars, white and crisscrossing over one another all over his hands and gradually dissipating up his arms. The skin on his hands was tight but he was sure it would get better over time and his back. He nearly cried out, clamping a hand over his mouth. The skin bugled in areas and stretched too tight over others, starting at the back of his neck and reaching the middle of his back. It was pale and grotesque. The burn was horrible.

“I could be the new Hunchback of Notre Dame with this.” He half whispered to himself.

Before he could stop it tears were rushing down his face. This body was one he hardly recognized. He had always been obsessed with looks. If you look good, no one would know if you were hurting, or upset or whatever. But now there’s no hiding it. His body wasn’t his. Hot tears continued to stream down his face but he didn’t make any sound just in case someone heard. He just looked away from the mirror and let his tears fall onto the floor.

* * *

Eventually Lance came back to the dining room with a smile on his face. He had splashed cold water on his face, making his eyes less red, like he had done countless times before. Like those times before, no one took notice.

He sat himself down at the end of the dining table, Hunk putting a plate of goo in front of him. To be honest Lance wasn’t even remotely hungry but he made a show of shoving a big spoonful in his mouth. And another, and another. The team watched him with happiness and concern.

After a while of just watching Lance eat, Allura spoke up freeing Lance from the staring.

“Coran informed us that you should be fine piloting your lion with your… condition. I did not realize you had bonded with your lion so much! Do you use the blue lion’s eyes as your own? Please tell us.” She asked excitedly.

Lance swallowed before answering slightly confused at the question, “Uh, yeah. At first it was just at certain times but um before I got captured I did it every time I flew Blue. It’s a lot easier and she moves a lot better.” Lance said.

“Fascinating.” Allura said with a sigh.

“Soooo, how do you do it?” Pidge asked.

Lance looked at her surprised, “What do you mean? I thought you had it down. You know, cosmic dust and stuff?” Lance asked.

“Lance,” Shiro said, “Only you have mastered this part of lion bonding. The rest of us haven’t even gotten that far.” Shiro stated.

“Oh.” Lance said, “I had thought everyone was ahead of me.” He turned back to Pidge.

“So I guess it’s like the floaty feeling you get before you go to sleep. You kind of just let everything go and you just feel your bond with the lion. Then there’s like a snap and you’re in! Then you fly. It’s kind of like you and your lion are one thing rather than two. That’s the best I can explain it.” Lance said.

Pidge nodded and looked at the table very seriously, like if she looked hard enough then she’s be able to figure it out.

Lance turned to the rest of the group, casually pushing his bowl away even though he’d only eaten a couple bites. He folded his hands in front of him, the skin feeling different but looked at the rest of the team seriously, or more like staring at Allura.

“Princess, there are somethings that I learned on Lotor’s ship that I think will be useful to the team. I’d like to share.” Lance said.

“Lance,” Allura began, “You don’t have to discuss this so soon…”

“No, I’d like to. Maybe not my… experiences yet. But I was able to learn somethings while on Lotor’s ship.” Lance said.

Allura paused, looking into Lance’s eyes. He was quite serious, she wasn’t sure she’d ever see him this serious. She sighed.

“Yes, of course. Please tell us what you know.” She said.

Lance smiled slightly before his face became stern again.

“Prince Lotor was not very close to Zarkon. However the witch Haggar called him to take his father’s place as head of the Galran Empire.” There was a collective intake of breath around the table, “I don’t know whether this means that Zarkon is injured or dead. However Lotor was in no rush to get to Haggar. Lotor and Zarkon did not get along and Lotor has never had much interest in that kind of power. He rather do things on his own terms. But I do know this. He kidnaps species of aliens for some weird harem, his crew is not entirely Galran, and in fact most are alien pirates hired by Lotor. He also…” Lance looked directly at Allura, “He’s also obsessed with the Princess.” Lance stated.

Shiro’s head snapped, looking at Lance directly.

“What do you mean?” Shiro asked, concerned.

“He asked a lot of questions, he doesn’t have a lot of information about Voltron. Apparently Zarkon wasn’t very open to share. But he asked a lot about the lions, the castle and they’re relationship to Allura. He doesn’t understand how Allura’s bond with the lions works exactly and he really wants to find out. Also I’m not entirely sure, but did he know you Princess?” Lance asked.

Allura blanched at the question, Lance was quite perceptive. She nodded.

“I see.” Lance said, leaning back in his chair, “I also don’t know if this matters necessarily but is Lotor not completely Galran? He seems… like he’s something else.” Lance shuddered a little bit at the thought.

Allura’s eyes grew wide, “I don’t know. I never knew Lotor’s mother.” She turned to Coran, “Coran. Do you know?” She asked.

He shook his head, “No Princess, I never knew her.” He stated.  

Lance leaned forward in his chair again.

“Well, Princess. I know this will sound kind of cliché but I think whenever we get into a fight with Lotor you need to stay as far away from him as possible. Don’t leave the castle during a battle, that kind of thing.” Allura opened her mouth to protest but Lance cut her off, “Princess. You really don’t want to be captured by him.” He held up his scarred hands, “I would know.” He finished.

There was a long silence before Allura answered.

“I suppose you’re right.” She said quietly.

Another silence followed before Lance stood up, drawing everyone’s attention.

“That’s all I know, now if you’ll excuse me. I need my beauty rest!” He made a show of stretching before sauntering out of the room, leaving the rest to stare as he walked out.

* * *

Lance had fallen asleep in his bed, for an entire day. At first the team was worried but Allura told Shiro that it was to be expected with what he went through. Lance slept like a log. Shiro had checked up on him, taking a peak into his dark room. He watched while Lance’s back rose and feel in slow breaths. He felt relief to have Lance back with them.

But guilt crept up in his chest. He was fast to question Lance’s ability as a paladin. Why did he doubt him so quickly? He didn’t have an answer, he just simply watched him sleep for a bit before closing the door and going down the hall. Keith emerged from his room next door, meeting Shiro in the hallway.

“How is he?” Keith asked, looking concerned.

Shiro smiled, “He’s fine, still sleeping.” He said before continuing, “Allura said that it’s to be expected with… everything he went through.” But his brow furrowed.

“What is it?” Keith asked, slightly scared that something really was going on with Lance.

Shiro shook his head, “No, I… I was so quick to question if Lance could still fly his lion after we…” He took a breath, “We just got him back and yeah he has a disadvantage now but instead of asking how it would affect Lance… I asked how it would affect Voltron. Like I was questioning if he was even qualified to be a paladin.” He scratched the back of his neck.

“How could I do that? Even then Coran said that Lance had been ahead of us the entire time, in terms of bonding. And I realized for the second time that there is nothing I know about Lance. I just feel so guilty for questioning him and even worse for not knowing anything about him.” Shiro finished, hand falling to his side.

Keith was kind of shocked but soon he realized that he too, knew nothing about Lance. Keith put a gentle and awkward hand on Shiro’s shoulder.

“Shiro you were just asking the question that we were all wondering. It’s important for the team to discuss that kind of stuff, so it’s not your fault. But maybe we all need to put a bit more faith in Lance. I mean for Christ’s sake he blew himself up to save the rest of us. I think he deserves at least that much.” Keith let go of Shiro’s shoulder, “And in terms of knowing Lance, I realize I don’t know much either. Maybe we need to make an effort, or ask Hunk since they’ve been friends the longest.” Keith suggested.

Shiro looked serious contemplating what Keith said, he was right about everything. Keith had grown more thoughtful after Shiro had disappeared, maybe his time as leader gave him some insight. Lance deserved their respect and their trust, which was something Shiro needed to work on.

But then Shiro smiled, “Yeah maybe I’ll ask Hunk some stuff and work on getting to know Lance better. Maybe Hunk will tell me how to approach him.” Shiro nodded before beginning to walk down the hall.

“Wait up! I want to come too!” Keith said, running to catch up.

* * *

Hunk was honestly kind of shocked to be in this situation with Keith and Shiro sitting across from him asking him to give them a summary of Lance McClain’s life story. He was shocked because they had never shown any interest in getting to know Lance or Hunk for that matter. For the amount of bonding they did the origins of Lance and Hunk were a mystery. But here they were, sitting in the dining room with Hunk sitting across from both of them fidgeting awkwardly.

“So umm… what do you guys want to know exactly?” Hunk asked.

“Well let’s start with where you and Lance are from.” Shiro said, Keith quietly observing them.

“Well I’m from Samoa originally and Lance is from Cuba.” Hunk stated.

Shiro looked at him surprised, he never knew.

“How did you two meet?” Shiro asked.

Hunk smiled, “Well we were roommates our first year at the Garrison! We were both fourteen, from two completely different countries and for a while we had pretty bad accents, although mine was a bit better since English is pretty common in Samoa and we clicked.” Hunk laughed, “Lance was ridiculous and helped me out of my shell and I helped him to not get into too much trouble, or I tried anyway.” Hunk said.

Shiro smiled trying to imagine a young Hunk and Lance meeting for the first time.

“So how did you end up in the United States Garrison?” Keith asked, curious.

Hunk blinked, “Well it was pretty easy for me. Samoa is one of the countries in the exchange program. If you got a certain score on the standard testing they give you in middle school you get an invitation to apply. But Lance had a tougher time because Cuba wasn’t part of the exchange program. The economic strain on the country is pretty severe so the Garrsion felt they didn’t need people from Cuba. But Lance was pretty sneaky. So he didn’t have a computer and countries not in the exchange program have their students take this ridiculous hard entrance exam, really it’s just a way to discourage people from joining. But Lance went to local library one afternoon and just took the test. He passed with flying colors, Lance is actually really smart you know, he just doesn’t act like it. So anyway he passes the test, which was entirely in English by the way, he grew up speaking only Spanish and learned English in a couple months in order to take the test. I never asked why he did, but he did.” Hunk finished.

Shiro and Keith looked at Hunk, stunned. That was amazing. Neither of them had to take the entrance exam either but they had heard how impossible it was but Lance had been so determined that he actually passed it. They really didn’t know anything about the guy they had been living, eat and fighting with for a year and a half now.

“What else can you tell us?” Shiro asked.

“Well I don’t know much beyond that. Same as you guys. I know he came from a small town, Santa Marta, he has a huge family. I’ve met his mom before, she’s really nice and only speaks Spanish but she was super cute trying to speak English to me. But other than that, that’s all I know.” Hunk said, sounding disappointed, “Lance doesn’t like to talk about that kind of stuff because he knows he’ll get homesick. And recently he stopped talking about it all together, I mean before he was… you know. And I’ll admit that I’m a bit worried. But one step at a time, you know?” Hunk said.

Shiro nodded, “I um… feel bad that I didn’t know much about Lance. He has this way of bringing attention to himself while at the same time being in the background. I don’t know but I want to try and get to know him better. He being gone has really made me realize that I need to work and get to know everyone on the team.” He looked at Hunk, “Including you Hunk. I’m sorry I haven’t tried until now.” Shiro finished.

Hunk raised his hands, “Don’t worry about it too much, really. I appreciate you trying.” Hunk said lowering his hands. He smiled and Shiro and Keith smiled back. Finally after everything that had happened, they were starting to feel like a team again, a real team this time.


	6. Well… Shit.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team realizes that Lance is different even if he doesn’t act like it. What will happen when they finally confront him?

Lance did wake up eventually the next day, in the afternoon. He was in a daze from sleeping so much and walked out of his room in his pajamas, without his robe and casually walked into the kitchen. His arms completely exposed, shirt hanging low on his back. Hunk, Shiro and Keith were gathered in some sort of weird meeting but Lance paid not mind. He just moved to get something to drink, still not hungry.

He didn’t notice Hunk, Shiro and Keith staring at him, and they had stopped talking. They stared at the scars so white and sticking out against his skin. They weren’t used to it yet. But Lance moved the same as always, as if they didn’t bother him. Lance grabbed some water before turning to see them all staring at him. Great. He just drank water, looking back without blinking.

“Hey, I know I’m mesmerizing but there really is no reason to stare.” Lance said with a smirk.

Shiro and Keith groaned together and Hunk rolled his eyes but they all smiled, all but forgetting about the scars. Hunk moved into the kitchen to Lance’s side, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey you’ve slept for a long time, hungry?” Hunk asked already moving to prepare something.

Lance took a sip of water, “Honestly I’m not hungry at all, so don’t bother. I’ll just wait till dinner.” Lance said.

Hunk looked at him in concern, “Dude, how? You had like five bites of food _yesterday_ , like twenty-four _hours ago_ , how are you _not_ hungry?” Hunk asked.

Lance shrugged, “I don’t know. I didn’t really eat on Lotor’s ship either so maybe it’ll just take a bit to get back in the routine. Don’t worry about it.” Lance said draining his glass and placing it on the table.

Shiro came closer to him, “Why don’t you talk to Allura? Let her know. She might have to say something to you.” Shiro said cryptically.

Lance looked at him, then he looked past him at the corner of the room and then back to Shiro again, “Oh the quintessence thing right? She caught me yesterday before I went to bed and told me. I think her theory is right, so we just have to wait and see huh?” Lance said, “Don’t worry about too much, I’m going to take a shower.” Lance said before leaving.

Shiro, Keith and Hunk were left in the kitchen staring at the spot that Lance left.

“Is he really okay?” Keith asked, “He seems too casual.” He said.

Hunk nodded, “Yeah maybe, I think a lot of things have changed so maybe he’s just trying to be like he was before, you know?” He said.

“Yeah let’s just give him time.” Shiro said, “He’ll come to us when he’s ready.” He said.

Hunk looked at Shiro doubtfully and thought that there was a lot that Shiro had to learn about Lance.

* * *

And time is what they gave Lance and plenty of it. First Lance trained by himself to build up his strength. He did a lot of leg and arm exercises, he had lost some muscle during his capture. Next he worked on combat training sort of, but focusing more on getting used to one eye instead of two. Keith watched as the gladiator dove towards Lance’s left side, tapping Lance meant a point was lost. At first Lance struggled. He had to take frequent breaks to get focused again, most of the time he’d just stare off into a certain corner and then turn around and try again.

After several days Lance became better, a lot better. He would use sound to his advantage, his hearing getting better to make up for his lack of sight. One day Keith approached him as Lance looked over the combat options.

Lance’s eyes were lit in the blue glow of the screen. His scars were exposed, just in his casual workout clothes rather than his armor. Keith was getting used to it.

“Hey,” Keith said, causing Lance to turn, “You’re really improving quickly. Soon you’ll be back with the group trainings!” Keith slapped a hand on Lance’s back. Lance flinched but just barely. Keith backed off.

“Sorry.” Keith said sheepishly.

“No, no you’re fine! Don’t worry, it’s just…” Lance looked at the corner past Keith shoulder, eyes flicking back to Keith, “I’m not used to how it feels yet. Actually the skin is so rough it feels more like pressure. It’s just weird.” He laughed absently scratching his neck.

Lance turned back to the screen, “The training is going well, but I can’t join you guys just yet. A night or two will do it though. Although I still need to practice my shooting.” He smiled at Keith.

“Nights? I thought you _hate_ practicing at night, you know, _beauty sleep_.” Said Keith.

Lance looked at him surprised before his eyes flicked back to the corner and back to Keith again. Keith was about to ask what was over there but was interrupted.

“Oh I don’t… sleep much anymore.” Lance stated.

Keith stood there shocked, “What? What do you mean?” He asked concerned.

Lance put up his hands moving them in front of him.

“I mean I sleep, just not as much. And it’s not what you think, not nightmares or insomnia, just I don’t need it. I wake up an hour or two later after falling asleep and I feel energized like a good night’s sleep. I told Allura, we think it’s the quintessence. This might be a permanent thing, but we don’t know yet.” He let his hands down, “But with the extra time I’ve been training, just catching up, you know?”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Keith asked, “Maybe we could help…” He said, trailing off.

“Help? _Why?_ There’s nothing you or the rest of the team can do. It’s not important. Plus it’s not like it’s affecting me in a bad way, it’s just a change.” Lance said.

Keith gave him a look and Lance went to him putting a hand on Keith’s shoulder.

“Honestly, dude don’t worry about it. You’ll get wrinkles and your complexion will get worse. It’ll already pretty bad.” Lance said with mock concern, laughing as Keith flicked his hand away, smiling himself.

“Yeah sure, is that a mullet growing out of the back of your head?” Keith questioned.

Lance’s hand flew to the back of his neck.

“ _Don’t even kid_ about that, Keith. I would rather DIE than have a mullet. Oh my god who has scissors?!” Lance said running out of the room, Keith laughing.

* * *

Shiro entered the lounge where Lance and Pidge were sitting together with their heads hunch over something. They were fiddling with one of Pidge’s projects. Lance was trying to give her suggestions.

“Why don’t you put it here?” Lance suggested pointing to some port.

“I don’t think it’ll fit in there.” Pidge said, unsure.

“Nah it will, I can tell. Here give it.” Lance offered his scarred hand.

Pidge reluctantly handed the tiny piece of tech over, Shiro watching with interest.

Lance took the little rectangle and gently placed it into the slot and pushing just enough to click it in. Pidge looked at her screen and made a triumphant yell, slapping Lance’s already raised hand in a high five.

“Lance I _love_ you!” Pidge said looking at her computer intently as tons and tons of alien code came onto the screen.

“That’s sweet Pidge, but you’re too young for me. You’re like jail bait.” Lance said with a smirk receiving a light punch in the shoulder from Pidge.

“Oh Pidge please be gentle!” Lance mock shouted.

“Oh my god would you _shut up_.” She said with no heat.

Lance laughed. He looked passed Pidge staring at something, his face falling. Pidge didn’t notice but Shiro did. Lance went a little pale, Shiro took a step forward and Lance’s head snapped in his direction. He looked like a deer in headlights, eyes wide. He blinked looking at Shiro, and Shiro stared back. He didn’t say anything. He felt like he saw something he wasn’t supposed to.

Lance’s face changed in an instant, the smile was back, and his eyes had no hint of any of the emotion just a moment ago. He hid it well but Shiro still saw.

“Pidge, Shiro’s here. Why don’t you tell him all about how I just saved your project?” Lance suggested, getting up and offering the spot to Shiro.

“Yeah, Shiro, this is seriously so cool! I mean Lance didn’t _save_ it but he did help…” Her words washed over Shiro as he watched out of the corner of his eye, and Lance practically ran out of the room.

* * *

Hunk came to the hangar to do some modifications to the yellow lion when he saw Lance. He was in front of Blue leaning his head against her leg, eyes closed. Hunk watched.

Lance was still but he seemed to glow with a blue light that Hunk was familiar with. But soon it was over and Lance looked up at his lion with a smile.

“I know and I will, when I’m ready.” He said, giving her leg a gentle pat before turning around and running directly into Hunk. Lance blinked.

“Oh hey!” Lance said.

“Hey, what did you do just now? You like glowed blue a little bit!” Hunk said fascinated.

Lance blinked confused, “What? I glowed? Seriously?” Then he smiled, “I didn’t know that but that’s pretty damn cool!” Lance said.

“Yeah it was, but what were you doing?” Hunk asked.

Lance shrugged, “I was just talking to Blue that’s all.” Lance said.

Hunk nodded, “Like the image thing that the lions do?” Hunk asked.

Lance shook his head, “No like with words, through the bond I hear her voice. She speaks English and Spanish so we were chatting but like in our heads.” Lance said.

Hunk stood stunned.

“WHAT?! You can DO that?” Hunk practically shouted.

Lance leaned back from Hunk intensity, “Uh yeah man, to be honest I kind didn’t realize that you couldn’t.” Lance said

“Of course I can’t! Oh my god that’s so cool! I can’t wait to do that with Yellow!” Hunk said excitedly.

Lance smiled, “Yeah it’s pretty cool!” he said.

Hunk spent the next several hours before dinner asking Lance a thousand questions which Lance answered to the best of his ability but Hunk knew that he was thankful when dinner was called.

* * *

What happened in the room with Pidge did not happen around Shiro again. Lance seemed to be careful, he avoided being alone with Shiro at every turn. But Shiro still thought that Lance would come to him when he was ready.

Lance joined regular training again with the rest of the team. He had improved greatly. He struggled with the trust exercises like the invisible maze but excelled with protection exercises and combat.

They stood in a circle backs to one another as they had many times before. They brought up they’re shields protecting one another from lasers. Lance protected everyone with everything he had. In fact, no one fell through the floor. They made it through the whole training without losing anyone. It was the first time they did that.

Shiro clapped Lance on the back, “That was amazing Lance, that’s the first time we’ve made it through that training! Great job.” He smiled.

Lance looked a little shocked but he smiled, “Thanks, Shiro.” He said shyly.

Shiro looked at everyone, “That was some great teamwork! Let’s keep it up, take a shower and turn in for the night.” He said.

Everyone dispersed. Shiro watched as Lance left with Hunk chatting like he normally did. Maybe what Shiro had seen was just a fluke, caught Lance at a bad moment. But he wondered what could possibly have made him look so scared. But he put it aside, Lance would come to him when he was ready, he was sure.

* * *

It wasn’t until later that night that Shiro’s concerns grew worse. Shiro woke up from a nightmare he couldn’t remember, it happened from time to time but he woke up earlier than he normally did. It was still four hours until everyone else would wake up. So he decided he’d go for some light exercise, maybe he would be able to go back to sleep.

Shiro made his way to the training deck. When he got closer he heard something, someone talking. Lance talking. At first he thought Lance was up late with someone else, he had been training late in the night and he knew that Keith joined him when he couldn’t sleep.

But it was just Lance’s voice, shouting words that Shiro couldn’t make out. Shiro made it to the door and it automatically opened.

“SHUT UP!” Lance shouted, “¡CÁLLATE!” Lance shouted. And the sound of something crashing to the floor.

Shiro saw Lance in the middle of the training floor, gladiator robot with a sizeable hole from Lance’s bayard, which hung loosely at his side. Lance turned out the sound of the door and he had the same look as before. Blue eyes wide with horror, face pale and breathing hard. His hand was shaking. He looked so scared.

Shiro took a step forward and Lance instinctively took a step back. So Shiro just stayed where he was.

“Lance…” Shiro began raising a hand.

“NO. _Don’t._ ” Lance said sternly.

“What? Lance I just want…” Shiro began again.

“NO. No no no no. _Please don’t._ Please pretend you didn’t see this. Just this once.” Lance asked desperately. He looked so scared, his bayard was gone and he wiped a hand across his mouth. Then before Shiro could reply Lance ran out, and Shiro could only watch his back disappear into the hallway.

* * *

This couldn’t go on any longer, Shiro knew that. But he couldn’t bring himself to confront Lance by himself. But Shiro decided, no more secrets. He was resolved.

So when Lance was finished eating and about to leave Shiro said it. Maybe now wasn’t the best time but it had to happen.

“Lance, wait a sec.” Shiro said, Lance stopped looking at Shiro curiously.

“We need to talk about what happened last night and what has been happening to you.” Shiro said as gently as he could.

Lance grew pale after he said those words.

“What are you talking about Shiro? I’m fine.” Lance said attempting to smile.

“No, you’re not. Let’s talk about it.” Shiro said.

Lance’s eyes flicked nervously because now everyone was staring at him, his eyes kept looking at the corner of the room. Shiro turned slightly to look in the direction, Lance’s eyes grew even bigger and he forced himself to look at the table. Shiro knew nothing was in the corner but what did Lance keep looking at? He turned his attention back to Lance.

“Lance, why do you keep looking at the corner? What happened last night at the training deck?” Shiro asked.

Lance looked at Shiro, shocked. He looked betrayed. He opened his mouth but closed it again and he just shook his head, smile gone now.

They were all getting worried now. Hunk spoke up.

“Buddy, come on just tell us. You’re safe here.” Hunk said.

Lance’s head snapped to look at Hunk and then look passed him, at something the rest of them couldn’t see. He continued to shake his head, breath growing quick. He got up, ready to bolt but Shiro grabbed his arm. Lance looked at the hand and tried to shake it off.

“Lance please.” Shiro begged.

“No. Stop, let me _go_.” Lance said sternly.

“Lance.” Keith said sounding stubborn, “Come on man just tell us-” But he was cut off.

Lance turned his head suddenly eyes full of rage and pure terror. His voice came out as a scream and before Lance could stop the words were falling out of his mouth. All the emotion, everything he had suppressed came out and he couldn’t stop it.

“OH GOD HERE COMES PERFECT FUCKING KEITH! I’M SURE IF IT’S _KEITH_ THEN HE CAN FIX IT! CAN’T YOU ALL JUST **LEAVE ME ALONE?!** ” Lance looked at Keith with all the rage that had been suppressed, the emotion Lance tried to get rid of. Keith looked back at him, shocked like he’d been slapped. Lance didn’t care.

Lance shook his head furiously and angry tears were beginning to slide down his face. But Shiro refused to loosen his grip so he had to stand there, confessing every warped thought in his brain.

“IT SEEMS THAT SHIRO HAS MISTAKEN ME FOR YOU, KEITH! CAUSE THERE’S NO WAY IN FUCKING HELL THAT HE OR ANY OF YOU WOULD BE REMOTELY WORRIED ABOUT ME! ONLY AFTER I GET BUSTED UP DO YOU _FINALLY_ CARE! ONLY AFTER I’M GOING HALF _INSANE_ DO YOU FINALLY FUCKING NOTICE! I’M SO GAD DAMN SICK OF IT! AND DON’T ACT FUCKING SURPRISED!” Lance turned to the group, actually speaking to them. 

Allura’s eyes were wide just staring at Lance. Coran’s mouth was a hard line and his face was pale with concern. Pidge just stared at Lance, looking scared. Hunk just looked at him with a sad expression. Keith still looked shocked. Shiro’s face was pale and he looked like he regretted ever making Lance talk. Good, he should. Again Lance tried to stop but was already too late, no turning back now.

“YOU’RE ALL SO TALENTED AND SMART AND GREAT AND I’M JUST SOME CHEAP ASS REPLACEMENT FOR SOMEONE YOU ACTUALLY DESERVE. YOU DESERVE SOMEONE _BETTER_ THAN ME AND I KNOW THAT! I’M NOT IMPORTANT OR SPECIAL OR ANYTHING! SO WHY DON’T WE GO BACK TO THE WAY WE WERE BEFORE HUH? WHEN YOU’D ALL IGNORED ME AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD **STOP GIVING ME THAT GOD DAMN LOOK**!” Lance shouted and screamed, they all looked at him with such concern he couldn’t believe it, “QUIT ACTING LIKE YOU ALL GIVE A DAMN! I KNOW YOU DON’T! TELL ME TO SHUT UP, TELL ME TO FOCUS, ORDER ME AROUND AND IGNORE ME! IT’S EASIER THAT WAY! JUST PLEASE STOP PLAYING THIS GAME! IT MAKES ME CONFUSED! JUST **_STOP_**!”

There was an abrupt silence, everyone was too stunned to reply or move or even blink. They just stared at Lance with horror. He hated that look, the way they kept looking at him and staring at him. The way they talked to him with pity, the way they walked on egg shells around him, the way they laughed extra loud at his jokes. He wasn’t a broken person but they kept treating like one and he hated it. Why would they act like they care when they never did before?

Lance knew that part of this was due to the hallucinations of Lotor that he still saw, he never really went away. Always standing in a corner reminding Lance of his time in the ship and the thoughts that he tried not to think about. Lotor would whisper in his head, telling him that the team didn’t care, they found him useless, they were acting, and they really hated him. The list could go on forever. But Lotor’s whispers were constant and only in the few hours that Lance slept was he actually free of those thoughts. It was too much, it was all too much.

But Lance knew it was in his head and that these thoughts were his own. He didn’t want to hurt them, they were his _team_ they didn’t deserve it. He loved them. But Lance felt he wasn’t a part of it. Always on the outside looking in but never inside, _never._

Lance turned to Shiro who had grown pale at his words, still in shock, “Is that what you wanted to know, huh Shiro? Well congratulations now you fucking know. _Let go_.” Lance’s voice was low, only speaking to Shiro.

The silence was back. But Shiro’s grip finally loosened and Lance ripped his arm free, realizing what he had done. He said it. He had said everything and now they know. The rage that had taken him over abruptly left and he felt only fear. If they didn’t hate him before, they hated him now. He blanched covering his mouth, backing up and knocking over his chair.

“Lo siento.” Lance said in a whisper before he turned around and ran out of the room as fast as his legs could carry him.


	7. Well, Mierda.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Lance confesses every bad thought he’s had to the team, and it doesn’t go well. Lance has to get out . The team has to come to terms with what Lance said and figure out how they can make it right.

Lance ran as fast as he could. He could feel Blue calling out to him, she could feel his fear, his panic, his pain and she wanted to help. So when he made it to the hangar she was ready and waiting, mouth open ready to protect him. He ran inside.

_I need to get out of here I feel like I can’t breathe._ Lance said to her, through their bond like so many times before.

_I understand._ She replied.

Lance sat heavily in his chair, console lighting up. He leaned his head back and let Blue into his mind. Then he was seeing through her eyes. She looked at the hangar door, ramming it trying to get out. She was desperate or maybe that was Lance it was hard to tell when they were like this.

Her attention was drawn to a voice, Shiro looking panicked and worried, running into Blue’s hangar.

“LANCE!” Shiro shouted, “PLEASE STOP!” Shiro begged.

Blue looked at him and turned back ramming the hangar door again. Lance needed to get out. They had to get out.

Shiro was still shouting but Lance couldn’t hear him.

“LANCE PLEASE! DON’T GO!” SHiro shouted. Suddenly Hunk appeared next to him, dragging Shiro out of the hangar.

“HUNK! WHAT ARE YOU _DOING?_ ” Shiro shouted at him with anger.

“Shiro. Stop _. Let him go._ ” Hunk said seriously.

“ _What?_ ” Shiro asked incredulously.

Hunk let the tears that he had been stopping slide down his face.

“Please. You have to let Lance go. He won’t stop when he’s like this.” Hunk said, another bang came from the hangar, Blue desperately trying to escape.

“Lance just confessed a bunch of stuff that we know he didn’t really mean, his emotions are off the wall. He needs time to gather himself, then we go after him.” Hunk said wiping tears from his face.

Everyone had joined them outside of the hangar door, crashing sounds becoming more frequent.

“If we try to talk to him now…” Hunk said shaking his head, “He’ll just become more panicked and we’ll make it worse. Please just… wait.” Hunk said.

Shiro’s whole body seemed to sag, like all the energy had been drained. Finally there was a huge crash and an alarm sounded.

“Lance and Blue have left the hangar.” Coran said finally.

So they all stood in the noise of the alarm, completely silent.

* * *

Lance and Blue went out into space, dark and quiet. They need to go someplace, some place with a breeze and water. But they were too far from Earth so another planet would have to do. Images floated across Lance’s mind, a beach with pink sand and green water. A yellow sky with purple clouds, a planet similar to Earth and it was close.

_Let’s go._ Lance and Blue said together and they did.

They flew for a long while passing stars and planets of beautiful and terrifying color and shape. Lance couldn’t believe that he had gotten used to space, something he could only dream about when he was younger. Here he was floating among the stars and he felt nothing.

Then the planet was in front of them, a colorful version of Earth. They descended. Blue landing on the beach. Lance slowly opened his eyes coming back to himself. He felt empty, like he had left everything back on the Castle and maybe he did.

He got out of Blue, a breeze whipping his brown hair around. The beach was similar to Varadero beach, where he spent his childhood. The sand was pink instead of the beautiful white, the water a vibrant green framed by a light yellow sky. Lance went to a spot next to the water and sat. He let the breeze wash over him and watched the water come in and out in a constant beat.

Before he realized hot and heavy tears streaked down his face, _what had he done?_ He curled in on himself, bring his knees up, arms wrapped around them.

“They must _hate_ me now.” He said with such raw sadness.  

_No, they do not._ Blue said.

“But how do you _know?_ Blue, I-I said _horrible_ things to them. Every passing thought I had, everything I’ve thought bad about them I sa-said.” Lance said the breaths hitching in his throat, tight and hot. “They didn’t deserve that, it was _cruel_. How could I…” Lance said not able to finish because sobs were racking his body shaking him to his very core. He couldn’t remember the last time he cried like this.

_They do not hate you. I can feel it. The lions are connected. They are confused and sad but they do not hate my Lance._ Blue said, _they know my Lance is kind and they know my Lance is hurt and they didn’t notice. That’s how they feel._

Lance just tried to breathe, tried to calm down but his heart hurt so much and it wouldn’t stop. It was like he had lost all control of his emotions.

**_You know she lies to you, right?_ **

Lance looked up hesitantly, it was Lotor not the real one but the one in his head.

**_They hate you now. They won’t come for you. Just stay on this beach, it’s nice here._ **

Lance shook his head, this wasn’t real. He wasn’t going to continue to let this hallucination walk all over him. Lance stood, Lotor watching.

“ _Shut up_.” Lance said.

**_Oh he speaks._ **

Lance set his jaw, “Leave me alone. GET OUT OF MY HEAD!” Lance said.

Lotor looked shocked and then smiled, his face began to change and Lance was once again staring at himself, the self without the scars, the way he was before.

**_I can’t leave Lance. I’m you. There’s no escape._ **

Lance paused and suddenly something clicked, the steel that had covered his emotions cracked and began to fall apart. The thing that was created on Lotor’s ship. The steel fell away, but he didn’t need it anymore, he didn’t need to hide anymore. He realized that now, he was allowed to feel afraid, he was allowed to feel jealous, he was _allowed to feel._

“ _No you’re right_.” Lanced breathed, understanding.

“I can’t get you out. You’re me, the part of me I wish I didn’t have. You’re my doubt, my sadness, my anger, jealousy, fear and every other crappy emotion. You’re all of it in one.” Lance took a breath, looking himself in his own blue eyes, “But I need to accept that you’re a part of me, not separate from me. Just like me and Blue when we fly, we have to accept one another. I’m sorry I keep pushing you out, that I keep ignoring you.” Lance said.

His hallucination looked afraid, and he backed up.

“I accept you, okay? And I forgive you. You’re the part of me that… makes me human. I’m sorry.” Lance said, tears streaming down his face.

His hallucination shook his head and slowly, little by little he began to fade. Lance knew that his wasn’t a normal thing, talking to your own hallucination or accepting yourself in this weird way. But if it was what it took to move on and to accept what had happened to him. To accept the new him then that’s what he would do.

And Lance was left on the beach with Blue.

_Better?_

“Better.” Lance said.

* * *

The team had gathered in the lounge on the couches and they didn’t say anything for a long time. Hunk was worried, they all were. He was the one to suggest waiting but they could at least productive.

“We have to talk about what Lance said.” Hunk stated.

Everyone remained silence but began to straighten, Shiro nodded and although everyone still looked pale and a little shocked they looked determined.

After a pause Keith started, “Do you guys know why he said um… why Lance kept calling me perfect and the stuff he said about Shiro.” Keith asked.

To their surprise Pidge answered.

“Well Shiro pays a lot of extra attention to you.” Pidge said, like it was obvious.

Shiro blinked a little shocked, “What?” He asked.

Hunk nodded, “You do. Like when Keith held a sword to that one guy when we were trying to rescue? And when you chose him for the Blade of Marmora mission. Lance had a point that Keith can be a hot head. No offense Keith. But despite all that you seem to trust Keith the most out of all of us.” Hunk said.

Shiro looked shocked.

“But you and Keith have a past so I guess it makes sense. But still you seem to pay extra attention to him. I think maybe Lance felt useless. I can only count on one hand the amount of time you’ve complimented or even talked to Lance just the two of you. Mostly you just tell him to focus and stuff. And Lance looks up to you, you’re his hero so it must have hurt. But we kind of all hurt Lance.” Hunk said, looking disappointed.

There was an awkward silence.

“I’m sorry.” Allura said, they all looked at her, “I um… I forget how young you, I mean we are. I try to treat you like soldiers. But that’s just a part of who were are. I forget that sometimes and I think that really hurt Lance.” She swallowed.

“Every time he opened his mouth and said a joke it was just to get us out of that serious mindset. To get us to act our age. And every time I tried to get him to stop when all he was trying to do was help us in his own way. But no matter how many times I told him to stop, or ignored him, he would always check on me after a hard mission. Give me a compliment, make sure I was okay and I always felt better. But I never did the same for him and I should have.” Allura finished.

More silence.

“I’m also sorry.” Coran said, “I think I saw something wrong, a long time ago but I failed to notice in time to help Lance.” He said.

“What do you mean?” Keith asked.

Coran looked at them all with sad eyes.

“After the explosion where Lance saved me, I went to thank him personally after he recovered. After I thanked him he said, _don’t worry Coran you’re important so of course I’d save you, don’t worry about it_. That silly boy has a way of making you feel at ease and I didn’t think about it. But today when he said he wasn’t important, that he doesn’t deserve to be here… It made me think of that moment. Like he was implying that because he wasn’t important, then of course he’d save me someone he considers important.” Coran finished.

Thoughts ran through everyone’s mind, thinking back on what Lance has said before.

_I’M NOT IMPORTANT OR SPECIAL OR ANYTHING!_

_Why? There’s nothing you or the rest of the team can do. It’s not important._

_Maybe I don’t have a thing._

_Don’t worry about it._

_ONLY AFTER I GET BUSTED UP DO YOU FINALLY CARE! ONLY AFTER I’M GOING HALF INSANE DO YOU FINALLY FUCKING NOTICE!_

_Please stop._

_Pretend you didn’t see this._

Everyone quickly realized that they really hadn’t noticed and Lance had been right all along. They had ignored him, treated him horribly for a long time. Lance was supposed to be their brother, their buddy and they treated him like trash.

“Without realizing it, we’ve been hurting Lance this entire time. And he just kept it down, didn’t confront us. He just took it. Maybe it was little things but it’s obvious that it affected him and we just continued to do it. Even when Lance was tried to tell us how he felt the entire time. He feels like he not a part of this team but despite that he protected us with everything he had.” Shiro said feeling shame and guilt growing in his chest.

“He lost his eye saving us.” Pidge said in a whisper.

“He’s been trying so hard to catch up with the rest of us, not realizing that he’s actually the best out of all of us.” Keith said.

“We have to make him feel like he is a part of this team because he _is_. He keeps us together, makes us laugh. We need Lance back.” Allura said.

There was a long silence.

Hunk smiled, “Then let’s go get him!” Hunk said.

Everyone smiled.

“Yeah!” Shiro said.

* * *

The team got in the black lion, since they didn’t need to take all of them for this. Allura’s face popped up on the screen.

“Lance has landed his lion on a planet not too far from here. It’s atmosphere and gravity is similar to your Earth. I sent you the exact coordinates of the signal.” She paused, “When you find Lance, we’d like to hear what you’re saying to him or if he has anything to say to us. So if you could keep your comms on…” Allura trailed off.

Shiro smiled, “Of course Princess.” He said.

Allura smiled, her face disappearing from the screen. So they flew. It would take about fifteen minutes to get there.

“What do we do once we get there?” Pidge asked quietly.

“Just follow my lead.” Hunk said smiling, “Just do what I do!” Hunk said.

“Okay.” Shiro said hesitantly.

* * *

They arrived at the planet, it really was similar to Earth and after locating the coordinates they descended. They landed down the beach from the blue lion. They got out and Hunk led the way walking along the beach. As they got closer they saw Lance, sitting just before the water staring at the Technicolor scenery with a serene expression on his face.

Hunk sat just behind Lance, not speaking and the rest of the team did the same. The pink sand was warm under their fingers and they joined Lance in staring at the ocean before them. They were silent for a long time until Lance spoke. They looked at his back focused on his form against the scenery.

“I grew up near a beach like this one. I always went there when I needed space to think. I grew up in a house of seven kids and although I loved it ninety-nine percent of the time I sometimes needed to clear my head so I would go to the beach. Something about the moment of the water always calmed me down and put things in perspective.” Lance took a breath before continuing, “Although my family was big I was always showered with a lot of love and attention because my mom is that kind of woman. She’s the best, a single parent since my dad died after my youngest sister was born. But my mom always makes sure that we know we’re loved and important.” Lance said. They couldn’t see his face because he sounded like he was smiling causing the rest of them to smile.

“It was because of her that I joined the Garrison. She said to me once, _Lance if you ever have a chance to go get your dreams then go, family never leaves you but dreams can. So go and we’ll be here when you come back_. It because of that that I took that ridiculous test and joined the Garrison with a new American name and three months of English under my belt. So I went, I wanted to learn about space and explore and everything. But when I got to the Garrison it wasn’t what I imagined. I was at the bottom of the pecking order again in terms of smarts and skill. So I worked hard really hard. _Really_ hard. I got to the top of the cargo pilot class and when I was upgraded to fighter class I thought my hard work had paid off.” Lance said, his voice falling a little bit.

“But I only got in because Keith dropped.” Lance said.

Keith felt a pang in his heart, he could feel where this was going.

“And believe me they _really_ liked to remind me of that. Every time I fucked up they would remind me that I was just a replacement for the best pilot of our generation. Maybe that’s where it all started, I don’t know.” Lance took a breath, “And when we got Shiro and I actually met Keith and actually talked to him, I had already made this competition in my mind. Because in the Garrison I was already competing against you Keith, even if you weren’t there… I honestly hated you. I don’t anymore but I was jealous and mad and I didn’t even _know_ you. I’m sorry about that.” Lance said.

He curled his legs up to his chest, resting his head on his knees.

“And when I met Blue I thought, _this is what I was meant to do_ , all the stuff I went through before was all leading to this. Finally I would belong to something greater, something I could do to help people. I was happy.” Lance took another breath, “But in the end I was compared to Keith, constantly. Told to focus, to be better. I fell behind. That wasn’t anyone’s fault really and the more time that passed the more I realized how ordinary I am compared to everyone. Shiro is the great leader and pilot in his own right. Pidge is super _super_ smart for her age. Hunk is the _best_ person and the best engineer. Keith’s the best pilot of his generation and just _really_ cool. Allura’s the super awesome and pretty _space princess_ and Coran keeps us all running in top shape. And I’m…” Lance paused, “I’m just a boy from Cuba fighting a space war I’ll never win, a cheap replacement for someone who you all deserve more. That feeling kept growing and growing and when I decided to blow up the ship…” Lance took a breath, “There was a small part of me that wished that I died, because at least I would have been _important_ then. I would the blue paladin that helped his team escape an enemy by sacrificing himself. That would have made a great story.” Lance paused.

The team let that sink in but it was hard to absorb. Shiro wanted to speak, to Lance he was wrong but Hunk shook his head, Lance wasn’t done yet.

“But I didn’t. And I don’t think that way anymore. But I got captured on Lotor’s ship and was tortured. But there was this moment that I was so _so scared_. I was terrified of dying, of being hurt and I wanted to give up. But something clicked like my emotions just disappeared for a bit. I didn’t feel afraid. I didn’t feel much of anything. I thought that I had a job to do, to protect you guys because you guys are the important protectors of the universe. It was the only way I could cope and when you rescued me it didn’t go away. Neither did Lotor.” Lance said, “I see him sometimes, when I was captured he would say things to me. Not the real thing, just my mind. He’d say things I didn’t want to hear. Sometimes he would change into other people, Shiro, Pidge, Hunk, Keith, Allura, Coran, my mom, siblings and sometimes he turned into me. But those hallucinations, I thought they were because of the pain or some weird Druid thing. But when I woke up from the healing pod… he hadn’t gone away. He was standing right there but I couldn’t say anything.” Lance said, his voice becoming tight.

“I thought that if I said anything then you would doubt my ability as a pilot. I thought you would send me back to Earth. I thought you’d tell me that you didn’t need me and no matter how much I want to go back to Earth, I know that I want to belong _here_. But I always felt like I was never quite part of the team. When we form Voltron it’s the only time I feel like I _belong_. But outside of that, I just…” Lance trailed off.

“I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry for everything I said. I didn’t mean any of it, not a word. I love you guys, I love Voltron, I love helping people and I’m so sorry that I said that stuff. I wish I could take it back. I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” Lance put his head in his hands, tears flowing freely in quiet sobs.

They were silent and Hunk moved and so did the rest of the team. Hunk put a gentle hand on Lance’s knee, Pidge a hand on the other. Shiro stroked Lance’s hair. Keith had a hand on his shoulder. They were all so warm and the feeling made Lance cry harder.

“Lance…” Shiro began, “You have _nothing_ to be sorry about. We’re sorry. We’ve been hurting you this entire time and we didn’t know. I’m sorry we didn’t notice sooner.” Shiro said.

“Yeah you’re a part of this team. The entire time you were gone we were going crazy without you keeping us grounded. The castle, the lions, nothing felt the same without you man.” Hunk said.

“Lance I love you, a lot. You remind me a lot of my brother Matt, always helping me out and checking up on me, making me laugh. I don’t know how I’d be here without you.” Pidge said.

“Listen, Lance. You’re a part of this team and we’re sorry we haven’t treated you that way. But we’ll get better. We’ll try to be better.” Keith said.

They stayed like that, holding onto Lance as he cried. They stayed like that for a long time and Lance finally felt like he finally belonged.


	8. Well, Fuck Yeah.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance has admitted all of his secrets and he’s feeling better by the day. But the things he said begins to bother certain members of the team.

The team held onto Lance while he cried for a long time and when he finally got a hold of himself he was rather sad that they let go. Shiro had a hand on Lance’s back, gentle and firm and Lance was grateful.

“Hey buddy, how are you feeling?” Shiro asked, sounding a little concerned.

Lance knew his eyes were red, he could feel them getting hot and puffy. He rubbed away his tears with the back of his hand before nodding.

“Yeah I’m feeling better.” Lance said, “We should probably head back.” He said, taking a last look at the colorful scenery. Everyone followed suit taking a long look too, beginning to understand why Lance would come here to think, it was calm and peaceful.

Lance got up, legs a little shaky and the rest of the team followed. Lance climbed into the Blue lion while the rest climbed into the Black lion, giving Lance the time to process everything that had just happened. He just admitted to a lot of stuff and he felt bad about it. They had enough problems as it is and here is Lance, freaking out, running away and admitting every dark secret. He shook his head, he needed to stop thinking like this. They were a _team_ and he was _a part of that team_ and what affects one affects all. He shouldn’t feel bad for having an emotional break down, even if it was embarrassing to admit. It wasn’t his fault.

Lance sat in front of the control panel, letting it all sink in a little bit before closing his eyes and leaning back, allowing Blue to enter his mind. He saw through her eyes again, watching as the rest of the team climbed into the Black lion. His team. Their team. He knew that now.

He still couldn’t believe that they had apologized to him. But to be honest he couldn’t believe a lot of things right now. It would take some getting used to. Blue ascended into the light yellow sky, glancing back at the green ocean before floating among the stars. The Black lion following right behind. This time as Lance floated he looked at the dark beauty around him and space finally began to feel like home.

* * *

When the lions landed in their hangars, Blue had to enter with Black in Black’s hangar because well, they broke theirs a little while ago. So when Blue landed in the hangar, Lance took a little time to come back to himself and just sit and breathe. When he did finally emerge from Blue, climbing down the ramp, Allura and Coran were waiting for him with the rest of the team behind them.

As soon as Lance’s feet hit the hangar floor, Allura barreled into him her arms flinging around his neck in one of the tightest hugs he’s ever had (and he was best friends with Hunk). Lance hesitated, was he even allowed to hug her back? She’s like a space princess. But eventually he did, gently placing his arms around her back.

“Lance, I’m so sorry I’ve been so hard on you. I’m sorry I didn’t realize what was happening sooner. I failed you as your leader, however I’m going to do my best to be better.” She paused, “You are a part of this team. We would not be the same without you and I mean that.” She said.

Lance took a moment to bury his face in her beautiful hair, it reminded him of his oldest sister, before letting her go only to be attacked by Coran who gave him an equally crushing hug. What was up with these Alteans and their death hugs? Lance squeezed back, hard.

“You silly boy, I’m so sorry. I’m supposed to keep you healthy and make sure everything is going fine. But I failed to notice anything amiss. Remember you are the blue paladin of Voltron, someone who helped defeat Zarkon and has saved the universe more times than we can count. You are so _so_ important my boy, please remember that.” Coran said, backing up but still holding onto Lance’s shoulders, squeezing them before letting go.

Lance could only nod, not sure if he could open his mouth and not burst into tears again. Coran clapped him on the back and they all began to exit the hangar. But Lance was stopped by a gentle hand on his shoulder that belonged to Shiro. The rest of the team gave a curious look before continuing out of the hangar leaving Lance and Shiro alone with their lions.

Lance looked at Shiro with curiosity and slight nervousness. But Shiro looked kind of nervous himself so it made Lance feel better.

“Hey Lance, I just wanted to say that um… about what you said… you can _always_ come talk to me. If you want to. I don’t usually sleep much either so if you ever need company…” Shiro trailed off scratching his neck, “I hope you know that you can come to me, anytime. Really. My door is always open.” Shiro said.

Lance blinked, a little surprised but he nodded.

“Yeah… uh thanks Shiro.” Lance said.

“Also, one more thing.” Shiro said before taking a deep breath and straightening his shoulders, “I wanted to apologize. I know I haven’t been the best leader to you or even a good friend and I should have. Pidge and Hunk made me realize that.” Said Shiro.

“ _What?_ No, Shiro you’re-“ Lance began.

“Let me finish.” Shiro said, raising a hand to stop Lance from talking.

Lance shut his mouth.

“I know that I have been kind of ignoring everyone on the team, except for Keith. I’ve been paying a lot of extra attention to him and I realize that now. It might be because I’ve known him for so long, however that’s not an excuse.” Shiro took a breath, “I realized that when you were gone, I didn’t know much about you or Hunk for that matter. So when you were sleeping the day after you got out of the healing pod, I asked Hunk about you… and I realized I hadn’t even tried to get to know you this entire time despite everything we’ve been through and how long we’ve been together as a team.”

Shiro set his shoulders, looking determined.

“But I’m going to do better, I’m going to be better so that you and everyone on the team can trust me and tell when things are going on. I’m going to try really hard.” Shiro took a breath, “But I need this to be a two way street, and when you’re ready I hope you’ll come talk to me, instead of hiding things like before. Can we do that Lance?” Shiro asked sincerely.

Lance took a minute to process everything Shiro had just said. But he nodded.

Shiro smiled, “Good.” And he was about to turn to leave when Lance started to talk.

“Shiro wait, now it’s time you listen to me for a minute. Shiro, you’re a great leader. I know that. And um… don’t ever think otherwise okay? I really look up to you and I know you’re doing your best. Can you sometimes be a little narrow sighted? Yeah, sure but hey we’re all human here right?” Lance said with a smile, “That includes Keith, by the way.” Lance said cracking his first Galra joke before moving on, “So don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re honestly not much older than me and look at what you’re trying to do. _Protect the universe_ , that’s like crazy stressful. So just cut yourself some slack okay?” Lance said, smiling at Shiro.

Shiro let the words wash over him. How was Lance so good at this? Every time something happened to him he just seemed to bounce right back and make the other party feel better. He understood everyone and what they were saying. He was just… so good with people. Understanding them, listening to them and giving advice, reminding Shiro that he too was just a person. It was funny how much Lance understood others yet had no idea when it came to himself. Shiro smiled.

“Yeah, you’re right. Thanks Lance.” Shiro said.

The two paladins smiled at each other before walking out of the hangar together. Lance feeling better by the second.

* * *

Everything returned to the way it was, except this time everyone paid more attention to Lance. Or Lance felt that way. But really they were just acknowledging him more than they had previously. It was something that Lance was slowly getting used to. He cracked more jokes because he’d actually get a laugh or two before they moved on to serious subject matter. Lance spent more time with everyone and when he saw his hallucinations he didn’t bother to hide it, not that he fully acknowledged it either. Lance was sure if he just started to talk to empty space that would kind of freak everyone out even if they knew what was up now.

Lance rejoined missions and he loved it. At first he was a bit nervous not having flown Blue in battle in a while or the fact that he hadn’t formed Voltron in a while either. But when he and Blue flew together his worries disappeared and they fought the Galra and anyone else just as they had before. And Voltron was even easier to form when they were together, if a little overwhelming. Not only were Lance and Blue together but they were also together with everyone else. Lance could feel how powerful the lion bonds were and it was kind of crazy. Another thing Lance was going to have to get used to.

After a couple of days Allura came with a suggestion.

“I think we’re going to visiting the planet Kann with the Noo and Goo.” Allura said to the team who were gathered around the dining room table for dinner.

“They requested that Lance make an appearance there once he was recovered, since we are near the planet and have yet to find a distress beacons I think now is a good time.” Allura said.

“Really?” Lance asked, eyes lit with excitement.

Allura smiled, “Really.” She said.

Lance laughed and gave a shout of excitement.

Keith spoke up, “When we went to go ask for allies to come and get you they agreed right away when they knew you were in trouble. They said you helped them make negotiations smoother.” Keith stated, “I was wondering when exactly you did that… I can’t remember you sneaking off to talk to them last time we were there.” Keith admitted.

Lance blinked, a little embarrassed.

“Oh yeah… I did it when everyone was sleeping.” Lance admitted.

“The Noo and Goo don’t need to sleep as much because their days are longer and the nights are pretty short. So when I figured that out, I don’t know, I just had this crazy idea that I could help somehow.” Lance scratched his neck thinking back, “I guess when we were down on the planet and Allura was trying to negotiate with them to join together and join the Voltron alliance she kept making it about the bigger picture. Which is great and works for a lot of people but I thought that maybe they were more concerned about how it could benefit them right now. So I went down to the planet while you guys were sleeping and asked each party what they were most concerned about at the moment, like what needed fixing right now.” Lance smiled.

“It turns out they were pretty concerned about the same thing. It’s just that they had different ways of going about it. So the next night I went down again and I told each party about the other. They were pretty stubborn but by the end of it they were willing to meet. So they did, we didn’t get very far but I think it was enough to show them that they weren’t so different from each other after all. Then the next day they sign the negotiation agreement!” Lance said beaming.

“I didn’t tell you guys because, most of the time my ideas get shot down because they’re not the greatest or most thought out. And I thought that I should just do it myself, that way if it went wrong you guys could just blame it on me. But I just _had_ to try and so I did.” Lance finished.

Allura blinked, “Lance you are so observant.” She stated like it was a fact.

“ _What?_ No-“ Lance began.

“No really, you are. I think I need you to help me negotiate more often. I hadn’t even realized that that strategy might work. Usually I just try the same thing every time maybe with a little variation but of course, you’re right. Every planet and people we come across is different! And so they need different treatment and approaches! Honestly you’re brilliant Lance!” Allura said with absolute sincerity.

Lance was a little floored, the Princess never complimented him that way before. So he just sheepishly smiled.

“Thanks Princess.” He said quietly, a light blush on his cheeks.

And so it was decided they were going to Kann within the next two days and Lance was so excited to see them again. Although they had been hard to talk to at first, he actually became quite good friends with the Noo and Goo on the planet. The sleep deprivation was totally worth it.

* * *

They did land on Kann two days later and the size and intensity of the crowd was almost too much for Keith to handle, but luckily he didn’t have to deal with them. They were here for Lance, not anyone else on the team. So Keith watched as the crowd grew bigger as they descended toward the planet’s jungle surface. Bright feathered faces and shiny bright scales made a cascade of every color of the rainbow as fish and bird humanoid aliens waited for Lance to climb out of the blue lion.

The rest of the team descended from their lions with Lance emerging a bit afterwards, whether it be because he needed a little time to himself before being attacked or for dramatic flair, Keith wasn’t able to tell. However Lance did eventually descend the ramp from his lion and the sound was so loud that Keith was convinced that he blew an ear drum. The aliens shrieked and yelled as their beloved paladin came to them, some not waiting until he made it to the ground to greet him. Instead they climbed up the ramp, grabbing him by the hand before Lance was completely swallowed by the crowd still shouting from glee. Keith smiled to himself, Shiro stepping up behind him to watch, the rest of the team following suit.

“They really do love him.” Shiro stated with satisfaction and wonder.

“Yeah.” Keith agreed.

Keith felt a slight pain in his heart as he watched though. What was it? Jealously? Maybe. He wondered how Lance became friends, or more like a hero to an entire planet in the three days he was here. He was amazed by his ability to befriend people and wondered why Lance had ever let him step foot in the Black lion when Lance was clearly… better. He was just better and he didn’t even know it.

Keith still thought about what Lance had said to them on the beach.

_So I worked hard really hard. Really hard. I got to the top of the cargo pilot class and when I was upgraded to fighter class I thought my hard work had paid off. But I only got in because Keith dropped._

_And believe me they really liked to remind me of that. Every time I fucked up they would remind me that I was just a replacement for the best pilot of our generation._

_In the Garrison I was already competing against you Keith, even if you weren’t there… I honestly hated you. I don’t anymore but I was jealous and mad and I didn’t even know you. I’m sorry about that._

Keith knew that Lance wasn’t blaming him now, but the thought that he had really bothered him. Lance honestly didn’t like him, at least in the beginning. Although Keith always thought he was just a big goofy flirt that annoyed him, but he never hated Lance. But Lance admitted that at some point he had hated him but that he had changed his mind. But why? Keith never made any attempt to fix the problem so why did Lance consider him his friend, if that’s what they even are now. Keith thought they were but he wasn’t so sure. If he could actually get Lance out of that crowd anytime soon, he’d ask.

* * *

Keith got his opportunity during the banquet that the Noo and Goo held for their blue paladin to celebrate his full recovery and to thank him for his hard work. The start of the party was spectacular with drinks and food lining every flat surface. Lance was surrounded for what seemed like forever but towards the end of the festivities Keith noticed Lance was nowhere in sight. Keith went looking around. The party was taking place in a castle made from the vegetation of the jungle around them as well a glowing crystal which was like a clear version of the Balamerian crystals they’ve seen. It was really beautiful. The Goo claimed that their underwater castle was better, however they agreed that a party on land was more suited for the human paladins.

Keith exited the main hall, looking for someplace that Lance would go. It took Keith a minute to think about it but eventually he concluded that Lance probably wanted some fresh air, and he was right.

Keith found Lance on a balcony overlooking the water, quite a way from the rest of the party. Lance was bent over the railing, head resting on his hands, staring out at the scenery. Even Keith admitted that it looked pretty peaceful.

“Couldn’t handle the attention?” Keith asked with a smirk.

Lance didn’t even flinch.

“Yeah, something like that.” Lance said straightening but still looking at the scenery.

Keith joined him in the staring, letting the breeze go through his hair.

“Are you… okay?” Keith asked.

Lance turned to look at him slightly before looking at the landscape.

“Yeah I just needed a minute. They mean well but everyone is kind of a handful, reminds me of my own house back home.” Lance said, laughing.

Keith nodded liked he understood, he didn’t really although since living with everyone on the Voltron team he was getting better.

They stared in silence for a while before Lance began to turn away, Keith knew it was now or never so he gently grabbed Lance’s arm, surprising him.

“Hey, wait. Can I ask you something?” Keith asked, suddenly nervous.

Lance blinked but nodded.

“Yeah, sure.” Lance said. Keith dropped his arm and Lance rejoined Keith, watching him.

“I um… I was thinking about everything you’ve said and um….” Keith scratched his neck, this was very hard, “I was wondering… are we friends?” Keith asked sincerely, he was slightly embarrassed by the question. He didn’t think you normally asked this sort of thing but he had to know.

Lance looked a little shocked by the question too but he nodded.

“Yeah, I think we are!” Lance said with certainty.

Keith relaxed, well that was good to know.

“Why do you ask?” Lance asked him, looking concerned.

“Well, all the stuff you said at the beach I felt like you were blaming me. Which I think part of the stuff is my fault but then I know you’re not but… I felt like you were. Then I realized I didn’t do anything to try and change your mind. So I thought we were friends before, but friends don’t just fight with their friends and I realized that’s all I did with you. Fight. Shiro’s my friend and I don’t fight with him so I guess I was wondering because… when did you decide to be friends with me?” Keith asked, he knew he was babbling that the words were falling out and probably didn’t make a lot of sense but he couldn’t stop himself.

Lance blinked and then looked at the scenery again, thinking hard before turning back to Keith.

“First of all, I’m sorry I made you feel that way. You shouldn’t feel bad because of what I thought of you when we first met. Yes at first I hated you, but I admired you too. I wanted to be you, cool, talent but you know, without the mullet.” Lance smiled, receiving a punch from Keith, “God, be gentle with me!” Lance laughed.

He continued.

“In terms of when I stopped I think it honestly was the goo fight when the Princess locked us in handcuffs, and I realized I didn’t hate you. I didn’t necessarily like you, but I didn’t hate you. Since then I think it’s gotten better. But I think I became your friend while Shiro was missing.” Lance admitted.

They were silent for a little bit. For Keith spoke.

“When he went missing, I thought for sure you would try to convince me not to pilot the black lion. Given the recent times you accused me of being reckless, which is true. But why did you turn so suddenly? You were the first one to tell me to lead Voltron.” Keith said.

“Well before Shiro went missing I knew he would want you to pilot the black lion when he was gone.” Lance said.

Keith looked shocked.

“What? It’s not like you two are actually _good_ at keeping secrets.” Lance stated with a laugh, “Anyway when he really did go missing I just pushed everything aside because it was go time. I figured if you did try to run off and do something stupid I’d be able to keep you in line. I knew you were best suited for the job. Sure you’re a bit of a hot head but you’re the best pilot and I sure you’ll be a good leader with some practice. You’ve already become better with people and evaluating situations so you’re improving no worries.” Lance said with a smile.

“But I’m not the best! _You are!_ ” Keith practically shouted, Lance looking at him surprised.

“You’re selfless, able to make friends with an entire planet in three days, you can adapt to situations quickly, you understand everyone around you and their motivations, and you can fly you’re lion through your bond! You’re… _amazing_ Lance. You just can’t see it.” Keith said.

There was a stunned silence between the two of them. Then Lance spoke.

“But I can’t make the tough decisions. You can.” Lance said taking a breath, “No matter what you say, I don’t have the guts to be a good leader. Maybe all those things you said are true, but in the end I can’t make the call. What’s a good leader if he’s only willing to sacrifice himself?” Lance asked.

Keith’s memories flashed across his mind. Lance’s face as he pushed Keith and Pidge over the console board, eyes hard and smile sad.

“That’s why you’re second-in-command and not me. You’re willing to make those calls, I’m not. I’m too attached to everyone and everything. I can’t do it. But that’s okay with me. That’s why you and Shiro are the leaders. Not me.” Lance finished.

Keith nodded, understanding.

“I haven’t thanked you.” Keith said.

Lance blinked, “For what?” he asked.

“You were the first one to not make a big deal of me being Galra. You kept me in line when Shiro was missing and you’ve saved my ass as many if not more times that I’ve save yours. Thanks, Lance.” Keith said with a genuine smile.

There was a pause before Lance’s smile broke across his face.

“Yeah no problem, man.” Lance said.

They looked at the scenery one more time before rejoining the party.


	9. Well, Crap.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance and the team get back into their routine but things don’t go well for the paladin in blue when in a routine sweep he runs into Prince Lotor’s fleet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also there is some Spanish in this chapter, I’m pretty limited when it comes to Spanish so I’m sorry if I made some mistakes! Special thanks to @ we-are-broken-from-the-inside who helped correct some of my mistakes! You’re the true MVP!

Eventually they did leave the planet of Kann, Lance thankful and disappointed. They had stayed the night in the palace because everyone got drunk on whatever they were drinking. It had no effect on the human paladins but Allura and Coran got pretty hammered as well. So they couldn’t just leave them all passed out in the middle of the grand palace so the paladins took turns to be on watch while the rest slept until the early morning.

Allura and Coran woke with headaches and grumpy attitudes but otherwise seemed coherent. So they said goodbye to the Noo and Goo and continued on to save the universe. They continued to help those who had their distress beacons on. That’s when it happened.

Again things went to crap a lot quicker than Lance had anticipated and he barely had time to react. Lance was doing a routine sweep of an area of space, like they normally do. Usually they split into three groups, two in each group and someone back on the ship. However both Hunk and Pidge needed to help with some maintenance on the Castle, leaving Lance, Keith and Shiro to split and do the sweep. Keith and Shiro discussed how to split up, the only way was to have two go in one direction and one to go alone in the other.

Lance offered to go by himself.

“Lance that could be really dangerous.” Shiro said, “Not that I doubt you but I’m not sure…” Shiro trailed off before being interrupted.

“Well if you’re so worried, I’ll take quadrant 41, it’s not nearly as dangerous so I’ll be fine. Plus that way you guys can handle everything in 42, since Galra seem to be everywhere. If you need back up you can let me know.” Lance said.

He couldn’t see Shiro or Keith since they were talking through the comms but he heard Shiro sigh.

“Alright. Keep in contact at all times.” Shiro said sternly.

“Yes, sir!” Lance said, even saluting although he knew Shiro he couldn’t see it.

So the lions split up, Keith going with Shiro and Lance going by himself in the other direction. He should have known it wouldn’t have been that easy.

For the most part the sweep was going well, aside from an asteroid that tried to knock Blue on her ass. Things were going smoothly and he was nearly done with it when an entire Galra fleet wormholed right in front of him. Lance recognized that ship anywhere. Lotor.

Lance moved fast, practically yelling into the comms.

“Prince Lotor is in Quadrant 41! I repeat Prince Lotor is in quadrant 41!” Lance shouted, dodging debris and flying as fast as he could but where would he go?

He couldn’t go back to the Castle, he wasn’t going to lead Lotor right to Allura which he knew that’s what he wanted. Maybe he could wait for the rest of the team to come to him. They could form Voltron, fend him off while Allura and the Castle got ready to wormhole.

He then realized that no one was replying, all he heard was static. Great. Really _fucking_ great. Lance breathed, all he had to do what lead him away or lose him. Lance could do that. Right?

So Lance continued to run, like he was desperate to get back to the Castle and the fleet followed quickly behind.

* * *

Shiro and Keith had made it through their sweep and were heading back to the Castle when they heard something strange. The comms had made a loud shrieking noise and went completely dead. The sound almost blew out Shiro’s eardrum.

“Keith? Can you hear me?” Shiro asked insistently. After a moment of trying to get the connection back Keith answered.

“Yeah, but what the hell was that sound?” Keith asked sounding irritated and concerned.

“I-I don’t know.” Shiro had a thought, “Lance, _LANCE!_ Come in!” Shiro insisted.

Nothing. Just static.

“Shit!” Keith said, trying his own comms, “Lance, buddy are you there?” Keith asked really worrying now. Nothing.

“Allura, can you hear me?” Shiro asked.

“Yes! What’s happening?” Allura asked, hearing the worry in Shiro’s voice.

“We can’t get in contact with Lance! He- _the comms_ just cut out for a moment and when they came back we couldn’t- couldn’t hear him!” Shiro said, panic rising with each word. He wasn’t about to lose Lance after all of this, not a chance.

“Hold on, Hunk and Pidge are on their way to the lions, I’ll look for his signal and give you the coordinates.” Allura said, stoic.

There was a slight pause while Allura worked and Shiro grew more anxious with each silent beat.

“I-I found him but…” Allura sounded like she was choking, her voice very tight, “He’s surrounded by Galra forces. He’s surrounded by _Lotor’s_ forces. They appeared out of nowhere! How did they find him?!” Allura questioned, her own panic rising in her voice.

“Allura! _It’s alright_ , we’re all going to get him. Send me the coordinates we need to move fast.” Shiro said.

“Lance is here.” The coordinates appearing on the screen in front of Shiro, “But he’s moving quickly away from us, _far away_. He’s headed…” She gasped, “He’s headed right into an asteroid field. Lance is in grave danger, you must get to him before he enters it!” She insisted.

“Understood.” Shiro said as Pidge and Hunk emerged from the Castle the four of them moving quickly to save their friend.

* * *

Lance saw the asteroid field and he knew two things. One, that this was about to get really complicated. Two that Lotor didn’t have a chance of getting through this field. Lance didn’t have much of a chance either, but he didn’t have a choice. He was going to protect everyone for as long as he could. So he entered the field without a second thought.

He and Blue were flying together but it was getting easier to distinguish who was who. He felt himself inside her (not in the _creepy way_ get your minds out of the gutter) and they were one but distinct from one another. Lance had a thought. It was something that was probably dangerous, Coran had come to talk to him about his bond, the dangers of it several days before.

“There are somethings you need to know my boy. Flying Blue through your bond is a very powerful and wonderful thing. However it is also _very_ dangerous. Paladin and Lion become one, intermingling essences, quintessence and even their soul. It can be wonderful, flying is easier, you become better at forming Voltron but it is _extremely dangerous_ melding minds like that. So _don’t ever, ever_ go deeper than necessary or else there may be consequences.” Coran said.

And look what Lance was doing, going deeper. _Sorry Coran_ , he thought to himself and the kind Altean. But otherwise there was nothing else he could do, he was not going to get captured again because that fucked him up enough the first time. He wasn’t going back to the Castle because Lotor would _not_ get his hands on Allura as long as Lance was alive. So Lance sunk deeper and deeper into his bond until he was barely there and Blue’s body truly became his, not just her eyes, _everything_.

He thought the feeling would be different, more mechanical since in reality Blue was a robotic magic lion. But instead he felt the way she moved like muscles, she was completely alive and Lance realized now that this had only gotten stranger. However he ignored everything and focused on where he was flying. The fleet was following him quickly. But no one attacked him, he was sure that Lotor simply wanted to follow him so that the real battle can start when they got to the Castle. On some level Lotor _must_ had known that Lance was leading him away and not to, but for whatever reason he followed Lance anyway.

So Lance flew right into the asteroid field, he had done this before but this field was made up of the blue crystals that had a tendency to explode. _Yeah those ones_. And they were closely packed together. The Blue lion was observant, knowing one false move would send not only the Galra fleet but the lion up in flames with it. So she flew quickly but carefully between the beautiful but dangerous crystals turning slightly to see if the fleet dared to follow. They did. Lance looked back, they were crazy but maybe this could work. He knew he didn’t have any other option, so he prayed to god that he’d somehow make it out alive. He moved in further, luring them in until they were closer to the field. Then he shot up, turning around and shooting the large crystal closest to Lotor’s fleet. The explosion was spectacular.

* * *

They flew as fast as they could, however each second was agony. Shiro saw the dot that was supposed to be Lance move its way into the asteroid field. Shiro sucked in a harsh breath and practically screamed when the dot disappeared completely. _This could not be happening_ , there was no way.

“ _Lance_!” Shiro cried.

“ _What?_! What happened?!” Hunk asked, desperate.

“We just lost Lance’s signal, _we need to hurry_!” Shiro said voice cracking.

So they moved even quicker if that was possible and as they drew closer they saw the huge fleet. The ship so familiar and not in a good way and the asteroid field behind them, the blue and green crystals some in mid explosion. Lance flew into that. Lance was in that explosion. Lance.

Shiro’s rage blinded him for one second but that was all it took, wings sprouted from the back of his lion and he was destroying everything in sight literally cutting a path to Lance. Lotor’s ship moved out of the way, already taking damage from the explosions of the crystals, moving to flee. But at the moment Shiro nor the rest of the team cared, they cut and destroyed everything to get to Lance.  

Shiro looked everywhere for something, anything that even remotely looked like the Blue lion.

“There!” Keith shouted, drawing Shiro’s attention.

Floating above the asteroid field was the Blue Lion, unmoving and black on one side but mostly intact or at least he hoped.

“ _Lance_!” Hunk shouted.

The Red lion raced forward, being the quickest among them with Yellow following close behind. Between the two of them they were able to bring the Blue lion back. Shiro kept his attention on the Galra fleet, the explosions had done a number on them. But they weren’t here for the fight, ships and weapons too damaged. So he watched as they formed a wormhole and escaped leaving Voltron behind.

They contacted Allura, telling her their coordinates and the Castle wormholed there quickly. The Red and Yellow lions escorting Blue inside.

As soon as they landed everyone ran out of their lions, like they had when Lance was first back from capture, the events being all too similar. _Why was it always Lance?_ Hadn’t he had enough? But they ran as fast as their feet could carry them but the mouth of the Blue lion would not open at first.

“ _Blue!_ ” Hunk shouted, “I know you’re hurt but we need to get to Lance! _Please!_ Blue?” Hunk called.

Blue eyes glowed slightly, just barely and the mouth fell open before the eyes stopped glowing completely. Without the ramp they were focused to climb Blue in order to get inside. The inside of Blue was relatively unharmed, however sparks of electricity crackled and when they got to Lance they sighed a breath of relief for he too appeared unharmed but unconscious. Allura arrived inside with Coran following behind.

She pulled off Lance’s helmet. Revealing blood that painted the back of Lance’s helmet a vibrant shade of red.

“That’s _a lot_ of blood.” Pidge stated in shock.

Allura looked pale, “It looks like a lot but thankfully it actually not all that much. However I’m more worried about his brain.” She took Lance’s face in both hands, “ _Lance!_ Lance can you hear me? I need you to open your eyes!” Allura commanded. As she called to him, Coran pressed a rag to the back of his head, stopping the bleeding.

Nothing happened at first but slowly Lance blinked, Allura held his face because he seemed to have no energy to hold up his own head. She was about to breathe a sigh of relief until she saw his eyes. They were glowing blue, an extremely vibrant shade of blue that she could see vividly through the crack of his eyelids.  

“ _Coran._ ” Allura said, slightly panicked.

Coran stepped forward and swallowed hard at the sight.

“Oh _no._ ” He whispered, taking Lance’s head with his own hands Allura stepping aside to let him.

“What’s happening?” Shiro demanded.

There was a long silence until Lance said something.

“Espera, estoy confundido. _¿Dónde estoy?”_ Lance said groggily, his voice did not sound like his.

“What?” Keith asked, he knew that was Spanish but he didn’t know how to speak it.

“He’s confused, he doesn’t know where he is.” Hunk stated, _of course he knows Spanish_ , Keith thought.

Hunk stepped forward, patting Lance’s shoulder.

“ Hola, socio. Estás en el espacio, ¿Sabes quién eres?” Hunk said.

“What are you saying?” Shiro asked.

Hunk turned slightly, “I’m telling him that he’s in space, I’m asking if he know who he is.” Hunk stated.

Lance looked at Hunk and then away, shaking his head despite his injury as if he couldn’t feel the pain. Coran moved his hands from his face to support the back of Lance’s neck so Lance’s head flopped to the side.

“ _No, estoy muy confundido. Estoy aqui y allá, ¿Qué está sucediendo?_ ” Lance asked, voice very very soft.

Hunk looked a little shocked before he told the rest what Lance had said.

“He says he’s too confused. He says he’s here and there and asks what’s happening but I don’t know _what that means_.” Hunk said panic rising in his voice.

Coran shock his head, “Lance has gone too deep into his bond. He doesn’t know who he is because he went too deep.” Coran stated, “I tried to warn him-“

“What do you mean _too_ deep?” Shiro asked.

“When you pilot your lions your bonds become, well there are levels. So bonding in order to see out of the eyes of a lion is rather simple in terms of how much of the lion you can use. I told Lance to _never_ , under any circumstances to delve deeper into the bond to say, use Blue’s entire body as his own. Lance’s mind and Blue would become so entangled in one another that it is possible to get lost. It’s why his eyes look the way they do because Blue is in his body too. _Here and there_ , he in his body and there in Blue’s body.” Coran stated.

“Wait, you’re saying that Lance and the Blue lion are literally both in Lance’s body right now and in this body?” Pidge questioned, pointing at the Blue lion they were standing in, growing pale.

“Not all of Blue just part of her in Lance’s body anyway.” Coran stated, “Right now they’re too close to distinguish who is who. But we can try to help Lance realize who he is. If we talk to him he might become aware of himself. Memories, things shared, things unique to Lance. We might be able to pull him out of it.” Coran said but his face was grim.

Hunk nodded, determined and began to speak Spanish to Lance.

“¿Recuerdas cuando nos conocimos? Yo era muy timido y tu demasiado extrovertido. Pero nos hicimos amigos enseguida porque me dijiste que debo temerle a todo. Soliamos robar comida de los cuarteles cuando tenía hambre. Solia decirte que no pelearas con otros chicos, pero igual lo hacias. ¿Lo recuerdas, Lance? Ahora defendemos el universo de chicos malos. Aún te metes en problemas aún cuando te digo que no. Lance, necesito que vuelvas conmigo, amigo.”

_Do you remember when we first met? I was very shy and you were very outgoing. But we became friends right away because you told me that I shouldn’t be afraid of everything. We stole food from the barracks when I got hungry. I told you not to pick a fight with the other kids but you did anyway. Do you remember Lance? Now we defend the universe from bad guys. You still get into trouble even when I tell you not to. Lance I need you to come back to me, buddy._

The rest of the team had no idea what Hunk was saying, none of them fluent in Spanish. But the words seemed to affect Lance, slowly his eyes were growing dull, the glow dissipating until by the end of the speech Lance looked normal again. He blinked still confused.

“ _Hunk?_ ” Lance asked.

Hunk grabbed Lance in a hug that was crushing his lungs.

“LANCE!” Hunk shouted.

“Lance!” Everyone else shouted, laughing with relief.

Allura pushed her way passed Hunk and Coran examining Lance, seeing if he was concussed.

“Do you feel ill? Confused? What’s your name and who are you?” She asked, inspecting Lance’s eyes carefully.

He answered dutifully.

“No, yes, my name is Lance and I am the blue paladin of Voltron.” Lance said.

She nodded, staring a bit more before letting him go.

“I think you are concussed but only slightly. Half an hour in the healing pod and you should be as good as new!” The Princess said with a smile.

“Alright but while we have you here, _what happened_?” Shiro asked seriously, taking a knee in front of Lance so he could look at him carefully, watching his eyes.

“I-I was sweeping the quadrant and it was going well…” Lance took a moment to think, “And suddenly Lotor’s fleet came out of nowhere. They just wormholed right in front of me… I knew I couldn’t go to the Castle. He wanted Allura and wasn’t going to lead him right to her. So I ran. I tried to call for help but the… the comms were off. Nothing but static. So I lead them away…” He paused again, shaking his head trying to concentrate at the task but his head was so fuzzy, “The asteroid field was my only chance, so I went in but I had to go deeper in my bond with Blue. I know Coran warned me. I knew seeing through her eyes wasn’t enough. So I went just above the point where I disappeared completely, coming together right at the edge. We… we went into the field and the fleet followed me or us I don’t know. So I drew them in and flew up at the last second to aim at one of the crystals that was closest to the fleet. But the crystals were so close to one another and they all blew up and I… I was too close.” Lance admitted, “But for some reason, I hit my head and I… I slipped. I dipped too deep into Blue and I got lost. I couldn’t tell what was me and what was her. I was here in my body and in her eyes. I was everywhere and nowhere it was… really confusing. But I heard Hunk talking to me and I just followed his voice and I kind of came back to myself.” Lance said finally.

Shiro blinked, he wasn’t sure understood everything Lance had said but he was sure going to try.

“I want to know…” Allura began, “How Lotor found us.” Allura wondered.

Lance was shaking his head.

“No they didn’t find _us_ they found _me_.” Lance said.

“ _What?_ ” Allura said shocked when she realized he was right, “But how?” She asked.

There was silence before Lance spoke.

“ _The quintessence_.” Lance said his eyes widening with realization. “Like how Zarkon could sense the black lion through their bond and quintessence. It must be…” Lance trailed off.

“ _That_ … yes that’s quite possible.” Allura admitted.

Lance looked at the ground, looking tired and ashamed. Shiro put a hand on his knee, grabbing his attention.

“Hey, don’t worry about it for now.” Shiro said.

“No. _We have to_. If we don’t do anything then he’ll just keep coming and eventually he’ll be close enough to the Castle to get Allura and I am _not letting that happen_.” Lance said seriously.

Allura was a little shocked, not shocked about how Lance wouldn’t let anything happen to her but how sincere he was. She had not realized how much Lance had grown to care for her.

“Lance, I _appreciate_ you trying to protect me but Shiro is-“ But she was cut off.

“NO! You do not understand what he is _capable_ of, you _think_ you know but you _don’t_!” Lance shouted, tears escaping his eyes, “I will NOT allow any of you to be captured or even interact with that guy! He’s _sick_ and _cruel_ and _none of you_ need to experience that.” Lance said, softer now.

Honestly he wasn’t sure they were ready to know what exactly happened. He hadn’t remotely told them the details of his time of Lotor’s ship. They should know and it wasn’t that Lance wasn’t ready to confess, he wasn’t sure he wanted them to know. What would it do to them? Were they ready? But they needed to know to understand.

“He put needles in every patch of skin he could find, deep. Sometimes he would electrocute me, for hours. It was _painful_. But the quintessence was worse. It burned like fire in my body I would be in agony for _hours_ , seizing and barely being able to breathe like being suspended in the moment before you die. He would enjoy my reactions. Somethings he did it for answers, which _I never_ gave him although that made him more excited. But sometimes he came and did things to just get a reaction. Stab me to see me in pain, talk to me to confuse me, try to convince me to betray you, promising to end the pain. I never said anything but I admit I was tempted… but it wasn’t the pain that made me want to talk _. The hallucinations._ He knew I was having them. I’d see him first, sometimes he turned into other people like Shiro, or my mom or really anyone I knew. They’d tell me I was better off dead. They told me to give up. It’s hard to fight against your own mind when it’s trying to make you give up… I must have said something when I was delirious, so sometimes he could play the role of my hallucination and I would talk to him. I thought he was my mind but it was _so hard_ to tell what was real and what was fake. Mostly I begged him to let me die, to let me go.” Lance said, he looked at the ground at that last bit, shame clear on his face.

“He didn’t and I don’t think he ever intended to let me die. He’s _twisted_ and under no circumstances will any of you experience that, especially you Allura. What happened to me, I’m _glad_ it happened to me and not to any of you. I wouldn’t wish that upon my worst enemy. So no, we will deal with this _now_ even if that means I leave temporarily.” Lance said finally.

Everyone was still processing what he said but then they realized.

“ _No_ you are not leaving, we will find another way Lance.” Shiro assured him.

Lance shook his head.

“Unless there’s a way to remove or… change the quintessence so he can’t track me, this is our only option for now.” Lance said with a smile to Shiro.

There was more silence but then Allura spoke.

“There might be a way.” She admitted quietly, but her face said she didn’t like the idea.

“ _Really?_ ” Lance said, surprised.

“Yes but it’s extremely dangerous.” Allura said.

“Wait, Princess, you can’t be referring…” Coran began with look on her face he had his answer, “ _Quiznack_ that’s… NO we can’t it is simply _too dangerous_!” Coran said outraged.

“Whatever it is let’s do it.” Lance said.

“You haven’t even-“ Allura began.

“ _Doesn’t matter._ I’m a part of this team and I don’t want to leave but you guys are important. Just tell me what I need to do.” Lance said.

There was an anxious silence while everyone looked from Lance to Allura.

She set her shoulders and took a breath.

“Well first you’ll need to die.” She said seriously.


	10. Chapter 10: Well, Fucking Hell.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day has come for Lance will the procedure kill him or save him from the last of Prince Lotor’s influence?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for all the love and support I’ve gotten from you guys! This was my first fanficition and I am so happy that so many people enjoyed it! I want to say that I love you guys and all the great messages you’ve sent me! I hope you enjoyed the story but sadly this is wear this one ends! I do plan to continue writing so it you would like to read more please follow me so you’re up-to-date on what I’m doing! Thanks again so much! Also if you ever want to send me art, have questions or suggestions, do not be afraid to talk to me! I love hearing from you guys! I am also on tumblr, where this story originally started @violaswimmer
> 
> -violaswimmer

Everyone stared at Allura in stunned silence for a shocked minute before they all started yelling at once.

“ _WHAT THE FUCK ALLURA?_!” Keith shouted.

“WHAT DOES THAT _MEAN_?!” Pidge shouted, outraged.

“NO WAY _I WILL NOT_ ALLOW THAT!” Hunk shouted, panicked.

“ _Princess_ , PLEASE explain!” Shiro begged.

The only one who didn’t say anything was Lance who was still absorbing Allura’s statement.

Allura raised a hand and everyone calmed their voices and became silent, Lance doing everything he could to focus on Allura’s words.

“When I say Lance needs to die, I mean he needs to be in a death-like state.” Allura said, sighing.

“Quintessence is life energy, Lance’s quintessence has been changed from his time on Lotor’s ship. Each quintessence has its own unique signature which can be tracked if one knows that specific signature. But since quintessence is unique this is very difficult to do unless you know that signature very well. So we need to strip Lance of his quintessence, much like the Galra do to planets. We’ll be getting rid of the majority of it. However taking life energy like that _will_ kill him, which is why we’re not taking all of it… just _most_ of it.” Allura stated.

“That’s where the danger comes in.” Coran said, “It is an extremely fine line between leaving a small amount of quintessence in Lance and outright killing him.” Coran said, face grim.

“Yes that’s the danger. After we take his quintessence it will be replaced by quintessence from the Blue lion.” Allura said, “In the battle with Zarkon, Voltron’s quintessence was stolen from its body. But you were quickly able to recover your energy despite this. That’s because while piloting your lions you share quintessence and when your lion needs quintessence you can use your own bodies to give it. It can also be done the other way. Your lions can provide you with quintessence when needed. So that’s what we’ll do.” Allura paused, “Of course we need to repair and allow the Blue lion to fully recover before doing this.”

Allura turned to Lance who had been silent through the whole discussion.

“Lance, this may not be our only option, it’s alright to say no. We _can_ find another way.” Allura said sincerely.

Lance looked at her, blue eyes a little too wide for her liking before shaking his head.

“No, we’ll do it. After Blue has recovered. It’s the best way. And… I trust you. You guys definitely won’t kill me.” Lance said with a small smile.

“Alright.” Allura said. She wished she had as much faith in herself as Lance did in her.

She looked at the rest of the team, faces grim and pale but no one disagreed.

* * *

The team helped Lance into the healing pod and like Allura said he was only in there for half an hour. The work on Blue began right away once Lance was recovered. Lance did most of his own maintenance but Pidge and Hunk silently helped him since the damage was rather severe. He knew they didn’t like this plan, the look on their faces said so but neither of them disagreed. So they helped to make sure that Blue was in top shape so that everything went as smoothly as possible.

The Castle was never in one place for long. Now knowing how Lotor found Lance was good. Every day they were in another galaxy, wormholing in a haphazard way so that no one would be able to catch up. The strain it put on Allura was clearly showing but she rested more often to maintain her stamina, needing to be at her best for Lance.

Lance couldn’t really think of anything, just hearing Allura say those words made him numb.

_Well first you’ll need to die._

His chest tightened at the thought. Lance had never feared dying when in a desperate situation, it was a quick thought or a moment of realization. But now he had time to think and his only thought was _I don’t want to die_. It made him wonder, what was dying like? Was it like falling asleep? Was it painful? But he kept reminding himself, he wasn’t going to _actually_ die. He trusted Coran and Allura to keep him alive and save the team. But doubt was at the back of him mind, he supposed that that was part of being human.

He stayed up late as he normally did now. He wondered if he would go back to sleeping once this was all over. Would he return to normal? Lance wasn’t sure. He couldn’t stop the thoughts in his head. It was useless to just worry by himself in his room. So he made his way to the deck and turned on the hologram, projecting Earth in front of his eyes surrounded by stars. He had done this many times before but it felt a little different now. Maybe because it might be the last time he saw it.

He was so absorbed in staring at the hologram that he barely registered Keith sitting down next to him, staring at the projection of Earth also. They didn’t say anything at first.

“Do you miss Earth?” Keith asked quietly.

“Yes, I do.” Lance said.

There was a silence.

“Do you?” Lance asked.

“I’m not sure, I miss somethings but I don’t really have a desire to go back either.” Keith said, sounding a little ashamed.

Lance smiled.

“That’s okay, man. You like space better then Earth, I get it.” Lance said with a smile.

Keith looked at Lance, a bit surprised before staring at the projection again.

“What do you miss about Earth?” Keith asked.

Lance was quiet for a bit before he answered.

“I miss the beach, the sound of the waves, my family, the way the fresh air smells. I miss the rain… I miss a lot of things.” Lance said sadly.

“But there are also things that I’ve seen in space that I wouldn’t trade for the world. Trees so big that they almost touch the sky. Crystals of so many sizes, shapes and colors. Strange foods and stranger people. You guys, laughing, crying, arguing and… talking like this. The experiences that I’ve gotten here… I wouldn’t trade for anything.” Lance finished.

Keith nodded.

“Are you scared?” Keith asked quietly.

“I’m terrified.” Lance admitted without any hesitation.

He surprised himself a little. Although it had become a lot easier to talk to Keith these last couple of weeks so maybe it was natural to admit that to him.  

“It’s okay to be scared.” Keith said.

Those words, for some reason hit Lance like a ton of bricks. Lance finally turned his head from the hologram to look at Keith, Keith looking back. Lance bit his lip, eyes filling with tears. He simply nodded. Keith put a gentle hand on Lance’s back, hard and firm and warm. Lance took in a deep breath, he knew he could cry, that it was okay to but he didn’t want to.

“You can tell me anything, buddy. If you want to that is.” Keith said.

Lance took a minute to breathe slowly before the words came tumbling out of his mouth.

“I’m scared. I’m scared that I might die. But I still want to do this. I do, really. It’s the best option but I’m _still_ scared. I trust Coran and Allura to take care of me.” Lance took a breath.

“But what happens when you die? Do you go somewhere? Does it hurt? Is it like falling asleep? What happens? The questions just keep going through my head and then I think of…. Earth and everyone I left behind. If I die up here, they’ll never know. They probably think I ran away or was captured or dead but they’ll never know the truth and that’s. That’s _really_ cruel. But at the same time maybe it’s better that way, for them to not know. But I don’t know… these thoughts just keep swirling around in my head and I just can’t stop.” Lance finished.

Keith rubbed his hand over Lance’s back, trying to comfort him because tears really were falling down his face now.

“I can’t answer any of those questions, Lance. I’m sorry. But all I can say to you, which might not be that comforting, is that I and everyone here, we’re here for you. Everything will be okay. We’re going to do our best to make sure everything is okay.” Keith said quietly.

Lance smiled.

“That’s actually more comforting than you think.” He said wiping his tears away.

He and Keith sat there. Keith’s hand never leaving Lance’s back as they stared up at the hologram of Earth in silence. Just sitting and watching.

* * *

The day came sooner than they all thought. Allura announced that morning that she and Coran were ready to perform the operation. Keith watched Lance grow pale before setting his jaw and nodding with determination. Keith hated this.

Allura and Coran moved equipment from the healing room to Blue’s hangar which had been repaired since Lance destroyed it. The Blue lion sat in her normal position, Lance leaning his head against her leg in vigil. But the action seemed to relax him and although Keith didn’t know all the details he knew that Lance was ‘talking’ with Blue.

Allura and Coran finished their preparations the rest of the team gathering around in support. They all looked nervously at Lance, not wanting to pull him away, not wanting to do this at all. But Keith took a breath, heart pounding painfully in his chest before walking over to Lance and gently putting a hand on his shoulder. Lance barely moved.

“We should get started.” Keith said quietly, sadly. He hated this.

Lance stayed with his head on Blue’s leg before pulling away slowly. He nodded.

“Yeah. Let’s do this.” Lance said, straightening.

To Keith surprise he didn’t look afraid. He looked determined. Lance made his way to the examination table which was also brought down with the other equipment and laid on it. Coran and Allura put wires and other devices on him, readying him for the life energy to be ripped out of him. Lance stared at the ceiling.

Once they were ready Allura came close to Lance’s face. She hesitated before putting a gentle hand on his face, cradling it and talking to Lance in a low voice.

“You can still back out of this if you want to Lance.” She said gently.

Lance smiled and shook his head lightly.

“No, we’ll do this. I trust you.” He said firmly.

Allura swallowed and nodded, withdrawing from Lance before explaining to him and everyone else what was going to happen.

“Alright. This machine will drain the quintessence from Lance’s body.” She pointed at the machine hanging above Lance. It looked like a floating light suspended by nothing and casting a blue glow down on Lance.

“When I activate it it will slowly drain the quintessence from Lance’s body. Coran and I will monitor his vitals and the amount we are taking. Right before Lance is completely drained we’ll stop the process and the Blue lion will give Lance quintessence to replace what he has lost.” Allura stated.

Lance spoke up softly, “This… Is this going to hurt?” He asked softly.

Keith heart gave a painful thud against his chest. He _hated_ this.

Allura looked at Lance shocked before her eyes got glossy, shaking her head.

“It’ll be like falling asleep.” She said back, grabbing Lance’s hand and giving it a squeeze.

Lance looked at her and nodded. He laid his head back.

“Are you ready?” Coran asked softly.

Lance nodded, “Yes.” He closed his eyes.

Allura and Coran backed away from the table, the blue light growing brighter, completely engulfing Lance. Lance had his eyes closed and his breath got slower and slower. _Keith hated this_.

* * *

Shiro didn’t realize how agonizing this would be to watch. The process was slow and with each minute Lance’s breathing and heart got slower and slower, softer and softer. Shiro was barely able to take it. Allura and Coran watched the screen in front of them intently. Allura’s hand floating just above the button to stop the whole process, Shiro mentally begging her to hit it now.

He could feel the tension in Hunk coming off of his body in waves, fingers wiggling in a nervous dance. His face was pale and he was biting his lip. Keith wasn’t much better, although he paced behind all of them unable to keep back the nervous energy. Pidge was pale and like Shiro her eyes never strayed from Lance, watching his breath and she grew paler, if that was possible.

Soon it was getting to the line, that thin line that would either save Lance or kill him. Hunk stayed to watch Lance while Shiro made his way over to the screen and saw the numbers. He nearly gagged. Lance’s heart rate was impossibly low, struggling at a good 20 beats per minute which was amazing considering that his heart hadn’t given up yet. His breaths were even slower at an amazing 5 breaths per minute. Shiro didn’t want to scare Allura and Coran knowing they were concentrating but those numbers terrified him.

“Please, stop _he’s nearly dead_!” Shiro said in shock behind him, prompting the others to join him at the screen.

“Oh my god.” Pidge said, covering her mouth.

Neither Coran nor Allura moved.

Coran spoke very softly, “Just a bit more.” He said.

They turned their attention to the screen that monitored the quintessence. Five percent. But that number didn’t matter because the screens went haywire. Lance’s heart had stopped for the second time.

* * *

Allura hit the button so fast that it was almost lightning speed. She ran to the table, everyone following behind. Before they could get there the Blue lion came to life, stepping in their way. Everyone stopped not wanting to get crushed by her giant claws.

The Blue lion gently rested the tip of her nose against Lance’s forehead and the two of them began to glow. The glowing got so bright that they had to shield their eyes from the intensity. Suddenly, as quickly as it began it stopped. They blinked away the bright spots in their vision and the Blue lion stepped back from her paladin. They ran to him.

Allura grabbed his face. Shiro had his shoulder, Pidge his hand, Hunk his other hand and Keith grabbed a knee. Coran was watching the monitors with great intensity. They looked down at their companion, fearing they had killed him until Lance’s eyes flew open and he sucked in a huge breath.

They all cried out in relief. He looked at them all, a little shocked and confused.

“Hey guys!” Lance said with glee.

The team didn’t hesitant to fling themselves at Lance, hugging him close. Lance couldn’t breathe but he didn’t complain. He was back, they were safe and everything was going to be fine.

* * *

Things returned to normal, or as normal as a team of space protectors can get really. Lance went on patrols. Lance felt better and looked better. Everyone noticed. He began to eat normally again and sleep too. He was happier and healthier and overall was getting back to the Lance they all knew and loved. He still had scars and some hallucinations but those things wouldn’t disappear overnight, although one thing did.

They were in the middle of training with their shields, one of the protection exercises and they were about to start. But everyone turned when they heard Lance’s shield clatter to the floor. They saw Lance looking at his hands, blinking, shaking his head before finally staring at them. Shiro and Keith were closest and closed the distance between themselves and Lance in two steps. Hunk and Pidge quickly following.

“Hey, Lance, are you alright?” Shiro asked, worried.

“Is he having a stroke?” Pidge said half-joking and half-concerned.

“Lance?” Keith asked.

Finally Lance looked at all of them with such happiness that it rolled off of his body in waves. He was so excited that it took him several tries to articulate what exactly he wanted to say.

“I- I can see! I CAN SEE!” Lance shouted.

They all took a second to look at him in pure shock before Hunk had Lance by the waist, lifting him off the floor and doing a spin. They all shouted with glee. As soon as Lance was released he was attacked by Pidge hurling into him, nearly knocking him over, hug tight and he gave her an even tighter one back. Shiro was next catching Lance in a full frontal hug, Lance feeling very small next to him. But the man gave really good hugs, to Lance’s surprise. Keith was last, after Shiro was done he went up to Lance but hesitated for a moment, unsure what to do. Lance laughed and pulled the mullet into a tight hug, Keith arms wrapping themselves behind his back. It was nice, a little awkward sure but nice. They backed away before he was assaulted with questions.

“Can you _see_ see or like only a little?” Pidge asked.

“Yeah did this happen suddenly or has it been gradual?” Shiro asked.

“Anything else seem new or different?” Hunk asked.

Lance laughed.

“So far I can only see a little, it’s been gradual and not anything else besides sleeping and eating like normal!” Lance answered dutifully.

After he realized that his left eye was getting better, it gradually did. After a week or two he was able to see out of it like before and the world seemed new again. It wasn’t like he was blind before but only being to see out of one eyes really cut him off from part of the world. He went on and on about how beautiful everything was and the team was so happy for him that they never complained. Lance’s scars became better as well, although they were still there they became fainter and Lance felt more like himself then he had in a long time.

Sometime Later…

Lance’s face appeared in the screen of the recording. He sat down in front of the camera, with new scars and a big smile.

“Hey there!” He said waving to the camera.

“I found this recording device on Blue a while ago, although I didn’t know what it did until a little bit ago when I asked Allura.” Lance scratched the back of his neck.

“What I just said probably doesn’t make a lot of sense without some context.” He said mostly to himself.

“Well guys, let start off first with the fact that I didn’t run away from the Garrison. I was kind of recruited by an alien to help defend the universe.” He smiled.

“That didn’t make much sense either.” He admitted.

He thought for a moment, looking at a corner before looking at the camera again.

“Well I’m the Blue paladin of Voltron and I defend the universe from bad guys with some really cool people.” Lance said with a big proud smile.

**The End.**


End file.
